I wasn't a strong testtaker; PERSONAL INFO, HARDSHIPS / CHALLENGES / OPPORTUNITIES

In all honesty i am not 100% sure if this can fall under topic a or topic c and i know its rough

Topic C (All application types)

There may be personal information you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

Topic A (Freshman)

Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

my essay-
Being an 11 year old child, you're sheltered from the world you are sheltered from the true meaning of life.
Growing up I can't really say I had a difficult life. I lived in a fairly middle class family that did struggle from time to time. Looking back now I remember an incident that changed and shaped my life. Though this happened when I was young I can remember it vividly.

I was never like my two older sisters; I wasn't a strong test taker or a mathematician. I down right struggled in school, but my mother was always there to push me to do better. She didn't get a chance to further her education; working long hours, raising three girls all while hiding her sickness.

My father who was currently deployed at the time would normally be gone for months at a time, but his arrival wasn't a joyful. it was more like a dark or a storm approaching. I would never forget those words he said or how this horrible disease creped into our family, and that disease was breast cancer. My mother was diagnosed with stage three-breast cancer and December 25, 2006 this young child was slapped with rude awakening called life. Etta Denise Wagner lost her battle and passed away.

It was a hard fact that I did lose my mother, I knew the meaning of life and death, but I was too naive to realize it could happen to anyone.

I could either live my life crying and angry at the world or use my mothers' death as a way to slack off in school, but I didn't. I remember the sacrifices she made for her family and how hard she wanted each of her children to do well in life

Although her life was cut short I will not hold back from achieving my goals and till this day honor her wishes.

thank you for your help. :)

I am very sorry :(.. My grandma is also battling the disease at the moment..

Anyway, the background story of this essay is strong. I think it will be better if you tell what your mother sacrificed to you and your family that shaped you into the "current you", or perhaps any advice she gave to you?

Good luck on your college application.

Do you mean that you are still 11 years? I don't get why you included this line and what you really meant by that! May be you can reconsider it or re-phrase it to set up a better link with your next idea.


... I guess the troubles are financial ones.... it's better if you specify the troubles


Let's change the order to have a better flow;
However, I still vividly remember one particular incident that happened when I was very young, but was instrumental in shaping my whole character.


This is pretty good.... It flows nicely :)


.... I wish if you improved the first part of this sentence. It is not clear very clear as to your father was deployed then or now... Some problem with tenses too.... Better re-phrase.