Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5

'struck at the ambiance' - POMONA 2 -- Fun experience


saurabh93 11 / 94  
Jan 2, 2012   #1
Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you've had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.

New Year's Eve is that time of year where each and every individual looks forward to the upcoming year and the opportunities it presents. In accordance with the prospect of a fresh start, people make resolutions to put themselves in better shape for the future. But do people really follow their resolutions and not utter them simply out of partaking in the New Year spirit? I made a resolution two years ago that I was going to be more compassionate to others. Every New Year's Eve since then, I have been visiting a nearby retirement home, SunnyView in Cupertino, with my father to help plan and prepare for the New Year celebrations and the evening party.

Upon entering a massive hall decorated with banners and taped confetti, I was struck at the ambiance. My mind relaxed as soon as I took in the hazelnut odor. I glanced at the many elderly people sitting at round tables that were laughing politely, chatting in hushed voices, and putting their arms around their companions. As they walked around, they did not hesitate to start a warm conversation with the person they encountered, be it a fellow resident, worker, or volunteer. The scene reminded me of a rural church from a nifty flick; there was no loud music or rambunctious sounds, just happy verbal exchanges regarding mellow topics such as family and hope for the future.

After briefly pacing the hall and looking at the decorations, the party began with taking photographs. To ensure companionship, no one can be alone in a photograph. I took photographs of all of the elderly guests. Everyone was very well dressed up and smiled broadly, even though they know that they might not make it to the next year. It seemed as though age did not matter when it came to having fun.

My father and I then moved on to serve the food. On the platter were items such as chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes, to be served with red wine or champagne. For the next thirty minutes, I breezed between tables handing food and drinks to those who wanted it, and asking if they wanted more. What made the task merry, though, were the occasional compliments about my young looks and the hearty laughs that followed. The vintage music that was playing in the background only added to the pleasant atmosphere. Messages of gratitude I received from the residents included:

"Thank you so much for your time, sweetheart. You've really set the tone for my and my companions' new year. You are now a part of our family"

After numerous rounds of serving and interaction with the residents, I set the tray on the cafeteria table, and nearly broke into tears. Never have I been approached in such a welcoming manner since I ceased to become an infant. It was just plain happiness to be cuddled like an infant by loving people, especially because this was the holiday season.

But the true fun I acquired from volunteering was from giving without seeking return. I donated over four hours on a day when most people would rather be with their own friends to help make the New Year more hospitable for the elderly. I not only helped to make the party more convenient, but also gave the participants more reasons to laugh and become engaged in conversations. It is such a healthy and fulfilling task, both for me as the giver and the elderly participants as the receivers, to give to those who are now not able to enjoy the vitality that I currently possess as an adolescent. The party may have only lasted a short while, but the pleasurable emotions and the visual memories would be imprinted in my mind past the upcoming year and for my entire life.

Any feedback would be accepted with gratitude and all favors will be promptly returned. Thanks!
jocelynt44 1 / 3  
Jan 2, 2012   #2
saurabh93
You've really set the tone for me* and my companions' new year. You are now a part of our family"
kenneth1001 1 / 10  
Jan 2, 2012   #3
What made the task merry, though, werewas the occasional compliments about my young looks and the hearty laughs that followed.
You've really set the tone for myme and my companions' new year.

overall, the essay was well written. It was good that you chose to write about what you did in New Years' Eve because it was the holidays and there was no school and it was the time of relaxing and having fun.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks for your help :)
luvicemocha 2 / 20  
Jan 3, 2012   #4
New Year's Eve is that time of year where each and every individual looks forward to the upcoming year and the opportunities it presents. In accordance with the prospect of a fresh start, people make resolutions to put themselves in better shape for the future. But do people really follow their resolutions and not utter them simply out of partaking in the New Year spirit?( I think this does not go with your essay) I made a resolution two years ago that I was going to be more compassionate to others. Every New Year's Eve since then, I have been visiting a nearby retirement home, SunnyView in Cupertino, with my father to help plan and prepare for the New Year celebrations and the evening party.

I think is great.. as you can see I copy the whole thing to make changes but only found one..well plus the ones ppl already pointed out but I didn't put anything.. thanks for looking over at mine and good luck!!!
GraceTaylorWei 12 / 41  
Jan 3, 2012   #5
each and every individual <-- just say everyone
people make resolutions to put themselves in better shape for the future. <-- rephrase? a tad awkward
... and taped confetti, I was struck at the ambiance <--- what does that mean? please expound/reword
the hazelnut odor .. <-- odor carries negative connotations, use "scent" instead, or "smell" or just rephrase
manner since I ceased to become an infant <--- rephrase in more natural way

Also, you have a tendency to use a lot of commas when they can be excluded.

BUT That's it for my criticism ;) I really loved your essay overall. The part where you "burst into tears" really touched me. Good luck!


Home / Undergraduate / 'struck at the ambiance' - POMONA 2 -- Fun experience