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"never a struggle", a UC Essay

aristotle 1 / -  
Nov 14, 2010   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

In some twisted way, I wish I lived a more traumatic childhood; one racked with memories to shape a more dynamic and deep personality. However, this is not the case, my life is quite uneventful. I am a white male. Of all race and gender combinations, mine, for the most part, has it the easiest. The most that i've suffered from is lethargy, apathy, depression and ignorance. plus an overburdened mind. I never languished in the way most people envision suffering. I guess i am just a whiner, in the grand scheme of it all. I feel that i suffered from the most inconsequential things; the comments the bullies made, the conflicting views on popularity and social phobias. I never suffered from racism. No one ever told me i couldn't do something because i was white. I haven't suffered from illiteracy since i was 4 years old. Food on my plate was never a question. I expect it and complain about it. I never ate out of the garbage or slept in the street. My family never struggled for material possessions, though i'll claim otherwise. My generation never faced a war. No tromping through killing fields, no agent orange and no common enemy. No genocide, famine, plague or pestilence. I've never been raped or exploited. No, I'm not trapped in a basement. No doctor has told me I have an incurable disease; my limbs aren't falling off and my heads on straight. No near death experiences, I haven't even been in a car accident. My parents are still together, instilling family values and providing for my sibling and I. I've never been sexually confused, I pursue what interests me and vice versa. I've never had to fight for my life, never had a gun in my face. I am the classic example of rich white kid living a sheltered life. Yet there is this emotional eruption thats stems from within me, like a artistic catharsis. A desire to better understand this hardship and embrace it.

kimp9 1 / 4  
Nov 15, 2010   #2
You write fantastically. It really pulled me in. But what the Admission officers want to know is the opposite. I'm kinda like you, I could think of a million things that AREN'T that great about me, but it took me a long time to pull out the things that HAVE shaped me.

This almost sounds like it could be an introduction to a really great essay. After reading the last couple of sentences, it was almost like "that was it?" Your rhetoric is amazing, my advice is to use it to elaborate more on that "hardship" that you want to better understand. I can see your approach on this, but for the sake of the admission officers, it may be best to minimize what you're not good at and maximize on that desire you have. Other than that, it was really great. Good luck! :)
arsenal123 3 / 5  
Nov 16, 2010   #3
I know its sometimes hard to find something that has "shaped your life." I'm having the same problem. A good thing to do is look over your application, if you filled it out, and see what questions the readers might ask about it. See if you can answer those questions using your personal statement. Or just think of it as a way for the readers to get to know you a little better. That's the advice I keep reading everywhere at least. Also, it doesn't have to be something big like a traumatic childhood.

I really liked it though.
Hope I helped a little.
DrKHAN - / 5  
Nov 16, 2010   #4
a college wants unique students. Since you're a normal rich white dude, that wouldn't drag the attention you need. You have to find something different, something that made you and only you.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Nov 25, 2010   #5
The most that i've suffered from is lethargy, apathy, depression and ignorance. plus an overburdened mind. I never languished in the way most people envision suffering.

You have some sloppy lack of capitalization here... and the sentence about languishing is hard to understand... I think it needs to say:
I never languished with the kind of "suffering" most people envision when they think of the word.

Since you're a normal rich white dude,

He is not a normal rich white dude... he is an introspective rich white dude. It is cool to recognize how one's good fortune has kept him in the dark. That is what happened to Prince Siddhartha, and the result was pretty influential!

My generation never faced a war.

Not exactly true... perhaps never been on the actual battlefield... but a lot is happening right now, so who knows what might happen!

Anyway, it is good to recognize the fact that you have not struggled. Take away some of the less interesting examples, and make room for more discussion of what you're describing at the end of the essay!

Also, a good concept to include might be this: A rich white kid has no excuse to not struggle and suffer. If you are not struggling and suffering, you are not doing much to contribute to the alleviation of others' suffering. You can share as much of others' burdens as you are willing to bear, and maybe that will influence your career decisions.


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