THIS IS THE SAME SUBJECT BUT NOT THE SAME ESSAY!!!!!!!!! I COMPLETELY REWROTE THE ESSAY SO PLEASE DO NOT MERGE. I SPENT AN HOUR CONTRIBUTING TO OTHERS ESSAYS SO WOULD APPRECIATE A NEW THREAD. THIS IS AN ENTIRELY REWRITTEN WORK-NOT REVISED. THANK YOU.
(INDENTATIONS DID NOT CARRY OVER IN COPY & PASTE)
STATEMENT CALLS FOR REASONS WHY I CHOSE THIS MAJOR.
INSTRUCTIONS ARE:
UW Bothell Application
Health Studies
Personal Statement Prompt
The Personal Statement is a critical part of your application and is a required part of your admission file. Please address all of the following topics when completing your personal statement (in an attached document with a minimum of 500 words and a maximum of 650 words):
- What are the main reasons you are choosing the Health Studies degree program?
- What are your personal and professional goals as they relate to health?
- Describe any relevant experience that has influenced your desire for a Health Studies degree?
- Anything else you would like the Admissions Committee to consider, including an explanation of any patterns of poor grades or gaps in your educational progress.
As I am wrapping up the final courses to complete my pre-nurse transfer degree, there is one thing that my public speaking instructor said that really stuck with me-further cementing the optimism of the path I have chosen to pursue for my education and professional goals.
She said, "For any of you struggling to find your niche, if you find yourself second guessing your major, do yourself a favor and think back to your childhood. What did you gravitate towards when given a choice? What were you really good at that people around you noticed and commented on? This will almost certainly be tied into your natural talents and interests as a college student today."
I thought to myself while she was speaking, and reminded my inner conscience that I wasn't afraid, I was absolute. I was older, wiser, and more driven than I had ever been as student and it was because I was so thoroughly committed to my intended major after so much soul searching and thought was given. I did reflect on the connection she had advised worthy of consideration, but was then even more self-assured because for reasons I never fully knew, I was always both terrified and enthralled by contagious diseases, especially sexually-transmitted ones such as HIV.
Even as a 5-year-old I had inquisitively sought after information from my parents about this virus after watching the news and learning that a famous basketball player was outing himself publicly as HIV-positive in the 1990's. There wasn't much information for them to give me at this time and at my age, but as I grew older I found myself just-for-fun learning about STD's and viruses, as a teenager and then throughout my early adult years as well. This research was interconnected with learning how the human body responds to illness and of other things like the mental ramifications a person faces when diagnosed with a disease. The older I grew, the more the fear of these diseases dispelled. The curious irrationality was replaced with an urge to help. I gradually came to know that I wanted to return to my ultimate goal of finishing college and pursuing something I was truly passionate about.
This decision took me a very long time, but it is only because I had experienced so many failures in the past involving education. I never even finished the 9th grade to be perfectly honest about my educational background. Like many others, I come from a broken home and experienced a childhood that has shocked most of the psychologists I have met with over the years. I moved out at age 15, got a job and found a roommate. I didn't even know where my Mother lived anymore, and my Father had passed away in an accident when I was 12. I earned my GED on my own accord at age 17 and attempted college twice during the next few years, both times dropping out because I just wasn't committed and failed to stay involved. It's not that I wasn't smart enough; I wasn't mature enough. I never had parents that preached about the importance of college or who had helped with funding for expenses-I was financially supporting myself 100%. College seemed impossible, but at least I tried.
I found myself successful at whatever it is I did for work throughout my teens and 20's, but never felt fulfilled or like I was contributing in the magnitude I wished for. After having two children of my own and becoming burnt out after 5 years in a high-stress sales position for a technology company, I was ready for a challenge and ready for the change. I enrolled in Lake Washington Tech as a pre-nurse student. I really just wanted a health and sciences oriented transfer degree so I could apply at UW eventually. Pre-nurse meets your transfer requirements and with hardly any high school credit, and horrible college grades from 2003, I knew I had some work to do. I surprised myself with how proactive and driven I am as an adult student. All the subjects I tuned out as a teen because they were "boring" I dedicated my time to as if it was a paid job, and I excelled. I felt determined to prove to myself I am smart enough, I am capable, and I will be a good example for my children.
I chose UW because earning a degree from a respected university with so many connections and opportunity is my top priority. I have special interests in case management and advocacy for HIV-positive persons, as well as public health education within underserved or at-risk populations. I'm also interested in planning and doing community outreach work. I have recently spent time volunteering with youth in suicide prevention for Volunteers of America, which has been so rewarding! I am looking forward to exploring the different areas of health studies and that's exactly why I love this major-it encompasses all of the broad interests I have in mind while being narrow enough to achieve my ultimate goal: To help others live healthier and longer lives!
Being accepted into UW's XXXXXXXXXX has been my goal since day 1 of returning to school and I would be so honored if I am accepted and invited to study among a student body and I had never thought possible just a few short years ago. Thank you so much for your consideration and time spent reading the very short version of my educational journey; it has been unconventional but I know that I am right where I should be.
This is an essay that shows the value of adult-education and how driven people will succeed regardless of age, once they decide to pursue a college degree. I feel like your essay would have benefited from having you portray some extra curricular influences that led you to your choice of career though. It just seems like hearing about Magic Johnson coming out in the 90's as HIV positive and an interest in viruses is not enough of a calling for a nurse. It sounds more like a calling for a medical degree. A nursing degree candidate usually presents an interest in caring for the sick and bringing comfort to the injured as they assist the doctors in their jobs. I don't see that reflection in your paper. Don't get me wrong, it does not lessen the impact of your paper, it would have increased the impact that the paper now has. The overall content of your paper addresses all the prompt requirements but could be shortened a bit because the paper seems too full and hard to read at the moment. I know, the formatting does not transfer in the copy and paste form but regardless, it is still a bit too cramped for word space. Can you reduce the content about your interest in viruses and aim instead for the advocacy goals that nurses commonly have? I really believe the paper will benefit more from a personal connection with the career you chose rather than the current cold and matter of fact decision you have made. Stating that this course meets the transfer requirements does not really create a bond between you and the profession. It makes it sound more like you did not have a choice in the matter and just did it to get the process over with. The essay is too cut and dried. You need to get a bit personal with the content, and I do not mean talking more about the trials you had in your life. You need to highlight how you decided upon your career based upon some personal or professional experiences.
Anyone else who will do more than scan my essay and give advice that makes no sense???? I need constructive critique not some negative rambling paragraph from a contributor who uses this as a daily hobby, shooting down one dream at a time without even reading the submission. What a waste of my time.
