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What as a student at Boston University most excites you?

Rohan21 1 / 1  
Dec 29, 2021   #1

Boston University - an exciting choice

Kindly help me to reduce the word limit and also give me suggestions (read: honest criticism) to improve my essay. Thank you :)
The prompt of essay is in the title.

Spending a major part of my life in a small town of the state Rajasthan- Alwar, I never had ample opportunities and life outside of school. Since, most of my time was spent at home, I developed a natural curiosity towards business by watching my parents discuss about my father's daily business dealings and occasionally participating in it. Reading newspaper, watching news and visiting my father's workplace on holidays further raised my awareness and I gradually developed a passion for Business Administration.

BU not only provides suitable facilities with diversified academic courses, but also acts as a stepping stone in the professional world with its immense alum network and opportunities.

I'm most excited for Questrom Business Program with a vision to create value in this dynamic world. As an aspiring businessman with a dream to own an international business, I love that BU encourages Business majors to develop innovative skills and strengthen their leadership and communication skills from a global perspective.

Academically, I would like to pursue Global Business with a touch of Economics alongside my major. Additionally, I would also expand my horizon through study-abroad internships offered to Business majors. I would love to study in London which is the hub of Business world.

Beyond academics, BU's student clubs also align with my vision. BU's Global Business Brigades, which encourage awareness to bring reform and financial aid for impecunious communities in Panama twice a year, combine real world experience and non-profit volunteer work. Having volunteered to help people who are physically disabled and economically backward and given my strong desire to bring a reform in society, I'm ready to devote my time and energy to GBB's projects at BU.

I'm also captivated by BU's business student groups, and I appreciate the leadership and key positions which the student government offers to all undergraduates. Having worked closely to organize and oversee annual school events with school administration and observing my father's key role in managing his business, I would enjoy doing something similar at BU.

I can see myself working with industry experts and debating business models with fellow peers at BU and also highlighting notes at night while revising Keynesian theory and Phillips curve. Thus, I'm very excited to be a part of BU's community.

Total:376 words
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989  
Dec 29, 2021   #2
The second short paragraph is really unnecessary to the presentation. The paragraph is not related to a specific reason for your excitement. It is only a general reference to the general courses offered by your chosen major and the academic atmosphere of the school. Both of which are generic and undeveloped references.

with my vision

What vision? Normally, the clubs relate to the development of a future financial network or, the personal and social development of the student during the academic stay at BU.

BU's business student groups

Pick one and be definite about your reasons why you are interested in that group. Do not forget that generic responses will always be seen as "safe" responses that are given when the student has not really done enough research into the university, course offerings, and student community. That type of answer does not impress the reviewer.
ANJ 1 / 3 1  
Dec 29, 2021   #3
I think you ahve diversified too much as you have mentioned a lot of reasons. Instead since you are struggling with the wrold limit try to focus on 3 UNIQUE things you like about Boston University. ' I can see myself working with industry experts and debating business models with fellow peers at BU and also highlighting notes at night while revising Keynesian theory and Phillips curve.' this line in the last paragraph feels a little forced and not natural. I am saying this because ou have followed this line up with 'Thus..'. Is this the only reason? I dont think youve summarised well in the conlcusion.
OP Rohan21 1 / 1  
Dec 29, 2021   #4

I see. Thanks a lot! I will definitely make changes accordingly.

As for the "vision" part, should I replace it with "BU's student clubs align with my Business interests/ BU's student clubs have captured my interest."

Or something similar like that?
hhspark 3 / 11  
Jan 2, 2022   #5
It is great to mention a certain course or classes you would like to take. However, the reasons are kind of vague... all those positive expressions could actually be applied to anywhere. It would be better to specifically say what academic skills you would like to obtain.

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