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"a student from China mainland" - MY APPEAL LETTER TO undergraduates U


fightforworld 1 / 2  
Apr 22, 2011   #1
Dear Admission Counselor
As a prospective student of the (XXX), Fortunately I was notified of the University's decision to offer me a place on the freshman Waiting list in recent days, but not direct rejection. I sincerely understood what the situation the AOs confront this year. News broke of a dramatic decline in acceptance rate shows not that I am not good enough to get in but less competitive than my peers. So I am stand here again to declare why (XXX) and I are suitable choice for each other.

I just want you know I love (XXX) so so much even beyond my rational scale. I can list hundreds of reasons why (XXX) is my first choice, but I prefer to tell you that there is no reason (how can a boy who falls in love know why he is crazy about his one). Sometimes my friends persuaded me to enroll in the better university in their eyes because of our nation's obsession with rankings and prestige. While it is very common and dominant factor in Chinese students to choose the university they get in even though it might not be their loves. But I am not. I am not like the guy who doesn't know a thing about the university. I would defend my stand to refute that University of Washington is just like my girlfriend, if you choose her, then love her no matter what others thinks. My decision should not be followed by external thoughts. Even though I had not visited the campus in person, I do familiar with everything about your University and every words in your website. Furthermore, I decide to take Lander Hall as residence hall to provide me with huge opportunities to get involved and participate in hall and campus organizations at my first years. How dare you say that I am not your one of Romeos! Another closed friend also advised me to choose another university because the U's size would make you feel lost and harder to find your niche. You have to put yourself out there to meet new people. While for me, I would like to think in another way. The U's size demonstrates its diversity. Pretty much anything you would ever want to do is available here. The campus, the academics, the faculty, the programs, and the opportunities offered to students are unbeatable!

Take a further step thought, (XXX)'s future is promising, with the modest edge to UWS for academic quality and significantly better upward trajectory than any other schools outside of the flagships. (Like Berkley and UCLA has some serious fiscal issues and not confident that I can receive quality education in OSU or Purdue) when those should have to be factored in.

As a student from China mainland, I am always treated as a special one in my fellows' eyes. I am not addicted to the scores, but devoted my life to experience different life. I realize what unbelievable hard life people live in the slum and how difficult to change their own life. I also witness the rich buy additional cars and cloth again and again even though they don't know when they would be used. At first I was shocked and cynical. But after never stop discovering and reading in books and online I know life would not be absolutely fair. The social market would not exactly balance the equity with the efficiency. (It is what I learned from Macroeconomics). (XXX)'s commitment and pursuit would change me to be a better World Citizens to make the world the better place. Here, I know I might not good looking at the test level, but I am really more than scores. Besides at the period of preparation of SAT, I was surely not 100% concentrate on what I should do at that time. Maybe, I was defeated by the test at that time and I was totally frustrated after receiving the report of SAT's score but I believe I do win aftermath of the SAT. I do learn something which is beneficial throughout my life. "If you are determined to achieve something, you need to what all you can to get it. Energy and persistence will help you to conquer everything. Don't find the excuse from others, just blame for yourself and try once more!" Remember Krueger says "What matters most is what students put into their education - how seriously they take their studies and how much work they put in." It's what he calls the "Spielberg effect". "Even if students don't get in, the fact that they are confident enough to apply indicates they are ambitious and hardworking, which are qualities that will help them regardless of where they go to school." I am fully confident that I have the power to overcome any mission. Another Big insight is that when you feel that you are betrayed by everything in the world, your family will always stand behind by you to give you a warm hug.

I never feel regretful for what I've done, but I do learn from the past to become a better man. I always keep faith in what Steven Jobs addressed in commencement of Stanford. I love discovery and never stop thinking and analyzing, and I think this is also the heart of University of Washington. I can appreciate the work of Andy Warhol's and at the same time apply this art style into the commercial world. I love new ideas and try to prove it. Once, a dynamic picture of a girl of rotation from a Yale's professor shows what part of brains you used. After almost 4 hours discussion with my friend, we summarize that how to control your brain to allow the picture rotate clockwise, anticlockwise, and even revolve reversely by using Kant's philosophy and picturing every slides of moving photos

(XXX) is a place of tradition and innovation. A place where not only are books read and papers written, but lifelong friendships form and character is molded. It give me the opportunity to meet a wide variety of people and try new activities, while also allowing me to find like-minded people who share my interests at the same time I like come into different community to discover what I haven't known. As a Chinese student, I would like to hear the different voice like Dalai Lama's speech at (XXX)on April 14, 2008(Which I've watched on Itunes U). I mean, I am objective and have some quite convincing part on both sides. I would just value those parts.

All above, it shows that I am pretty alive people rather than scores.

What if you, my love, got wrong at the first time?
Could you put right for what we both got wrong?
Or just make me feel I belongļ¼Ÿ
What if you should decide that you don't want me there by your side.
How can I know it if I don't try to write this for you, right?
====================================================================== ==========
plz, give me any advice to improve my chance to get in UWS
Linds 2 / 5  
Apr 23, 2011   #2
As a prospective student of the (XXX), Fortunately I was notified of the University's decision to offer me a place on the freshman Waiting list in recent days, but not direct rejection. I sincerely understood what the situation the AOs confront this year. News broke of a dramatic decline in acceptance rate shows not that I am not good enough to get in but less competitive than my peers. So I am stand here again to declare why (XXX) and I are suitable choice for each other.

Reword the first sentence, it is out of natural order.
Try something along the lines of this: As a prospective student of the ___ I have received notification of the Universities decision to place me on a freshman waiting list.

Lose the word sincerly. Try one simple sentence.
I understand the situation of the AOs confront this year as news broke out of dramatic declines in acceptance rates. This prooves that I am good enough to get in, however, less competitive then my peers. I am writing this letter to declare my suitability for the ----- program.

Try a more formal expression.
"I just want you know I love (XXX) so so much even beyond my rational scale."
Try something along the lines of:
I wish to express my passion for ___ it holds great significance within my life.

Re read this sentence it makes no sense. You are basically saying you have no idea why you want to go there.
I can list hundreds of reasons why (XXX) is my first choice, but I prefer to tell you that there is no reason (how can a boy who falls in love know why he is crazy about his one).

Refrain from referring to your friends and there decisions to push you to a better university. Instead talk about yourself and passion/ drive to attend the school. You also need to watch verb tenses. My best advice is to re read this aloud. Start with the small verb tense mistakes and then rearrange all the sentences. Once the essay makes sense re write everything in a more formal fashion. Thousands of applicants want this program, therefore you have to prove why you want it more.

You have to remember that you are writing to university professors not your school friends. They do not appreciate informal language and slang. They would most likely discard this essay after reading the first sentence. If you really want to impress them you need to demonstrate maturity and confidence. You also need to to read over your work constantly. There are some good points, however there are a lot of sloppy mistakes. Please address this letter like you are writing to the President. You wouldn't reference your girlfriend would you? In my opinion if this letter was sent in this condition it would do you more harm then good. Take this as a rough copy and re write everything.

Best of luck!
OP fightforworld 1 / 2  
Apr 23, 2011   #3
Thank u Linds,
i sounds like , i have a lot work to do,ha~
i take your point and i will rewrite it .
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 23, 2011   #4
Excellent! But in that first paragraph, do not capitalize "fortunately" and do not capitalize "waitlist."
Another unnecessary capitalization here: Another Big big insight is that...

Well, I know you are going to do very well in school, because you have the most powerful kind of magic -- passion. Vitality and energy... they are contagious, and the reader will love you for lifting her spirits.

I think you do not need to talk about the size of the school, and you do not need to talk about the location. These are mundane things. Talk instead about your detailed plan for the future. You have specific goals and interests, and I bet you read every day because you are trying to learn all that you can about YOUR SPECIAL INTEREST. So, what is it? What is it that you are all about? You can talk about how you love the school BECAUSE it will enable you to carry out your plan in ways that other schools cannot.

So, design a plan that requires you to be at this school, and give details. Cite articles.

Most importantly, make it so that each paragraph is about one big idea. One paragraph = one idea.

:-)
OP fightforworld 1 / 2  
Apr 24, 2011   #5
more specific, no platitudes!
only one idea in one paragraph!
thx for your encouragement


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