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'the Student Government Organization' - Georgetown Early Action Short Response


joeservidio 3 / 10  
Oct 30, 2011   #1
In the space available discuss the significance to you of the school or summer activity in which you have been most involved.

Throughout my four years of high school, I have been most involved with the Student Government Organization. Having won four elections, I have been president of my class since freshman year. Without a doubt, being president of my class has had the most significant impact on me.

As a freshman, I attempted to join every club available, wanting to be a part of every opportunity my school had to offer. I soon realized that, in order to succeed, I needed to centralize my interests. As president of my class, I am able to integrate everything I am passionate about to support one cause. Through the Student Government Organization, I have been able to raise money for my class, connect the student body through multiple community service activities and fundraising events, and enhance my own abilities as a leader.

As a freshman, I also had a difficult time working with others on group assignments. However, after participating in the Student Government Organization, I realized that I would not be able to succeed without the help of my peers. Delegating jobs, working in groups, and trusting my peers have quickly transformed into my unique strengths as an individual. Through the Student Government Organization, I have learned how to effectively balance my own abilities with the abilities of my peers to succeed.

The Student Government Organization has had the most significant impact on me. Having won four elections, I have dedicated myself as president of my class for four years. Without a doubt, the Student Government Organization has taught me invaluable skills that have made me a better leader and individual.
mereserenity 1 / 5  
Oct 30, 2011   #2
Instead of starting off saying " Throughout my four years of high school, I have been most involved with the Student Government Organization" try to be more intriguing in the intro. Maybe start by discussing the impact, then later introducing what organization you were involved in to make them more interested.

Also, try not to be redundant when you say "Having won four elections, I have been president of my class since freshman year. Without a doubt, being president of my class has had the most significant impact on me" Perhaps make that one combined sentence like : Since freshman year, being president of my class has indeed had the most significant impact on me

I dont know how long it has to be, but try embedding more detail if you can & sprinkle in good vocab words here and there.
mereserenity 1 / 5  
Oct 30, 2011   #3
It sounds much better! Mind taking a look at my essay please??


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