The introduction is unnecessarily dramatized. The writing style in the opening paragraph is quite bland and is not as gripping as perhaps you would like it to be, or as gripping as how you aimed it to be.
You make a number of points relating to your so called, development. However, there is no detail or analysis to truly reveal the extent to which you have developed, either in a responsible or a mature way. These are key points of your essay, and there is nothing to support these points to convey a sense of your character.
Your choice of words and grammar needs to be worked on, particularly in the penultimate paragraph.
This essay does need to be worked on, if you are intent on submitting a strong writing piece.
I strongly suggest removing the large number of cliches in your essay.
For any decisions being made no matter how big or small, all the possible setbacks must be carefully and thoroughly considered and analyzed. It was responsibility; the responsibility that follows these decisions.
^Perhaps not the best example, but it is fair to say that the material that I have quoted is boring and uninteresting.
Furthermore, what is your definition of adulthood? People's definitions do vary.
Do you believe that adulthood is determined by responsibilities? Everyone has responsibilities, even children. So how did yours change as you progressed to ''adulthood''.