Hello,
Could you check this piece for grammar and contents?
The topic is "Elaborate on one of the extracurricular activities."
Also, I have 156 words now, but it needs to be less than 150 words. How should I cut it down?
My entire lifetime I had been a student but never a teacher, until I became the Bible study teacher at my church. Every Sunday my job is to lead students to share experiences based on the day's topic and apprise them of the scripture and the message embedded in the Bible. At times, teaching the Bible to sixth and seventh graders is challenging, because of their incessant talking, and the mere aspect of me, a student, teaching other students. Once, I met a restless student who never complied. However, I prayed for him and continued to help him participate in class. One day, I asked him to pray for the youth group. Surprisingly, he gave a meaningful prayer to the class. From this event, I learned that earnestly teaching can change someone. This valuable experience taught me the importance of sincerity as a good role model, as well as the fulfilling reward of being a teacher.
Thank you
Or, let me know if this version is better. I took out the anecdote and added more of what i learned...
Every Sunday my job is to lead students to share experiences based on the day's topic and apprise them of the scripture and the message embedded in the Bible. At times,T eaching the Bible to sixth and seventh gradersmiddle school students is challenging, because of their incessant talking, and the mere aspect of me, a student, teaching other students. At times, teachingbecomes an arduous task: some students do not respect teachers, and some never listen.Once, I met a restless student who never complied. However, I prayed for him and continued to help him participate in class.I am always encouraged by the small efforts of the students and subtle changes in their behaviors.One day, I asked him to pray for the youth group. Surprisingly, he gave a meaningful prayer to the class. From this event, I learned that earnestly teachingsatisfying yet demanding experience, I learn that passionately and patiently teaching can change someone. This valuable experience taught me the importance of sinceritybeing sincere as a good role model, as well asand the fulfilling reward of being a teacher.
and please check my grammar.
Thank you
Good evening :)
"Teaching the Bible to middle school students is challenging because of their incessant talking and the mere aspect of me, a student, teaching other students. At times, teaching becomes an arduous task: some students do not respect teachers and some never listen."
"This valuable experience has taught me the importance of being sincere as a good role model and the fulfilling reward of being a teacher."
Other than that, I wouldn't change anything! Great work!
Thank you so much.
I always appreciate your help.
And based on your corrections, it seems like you thought the second one was better, right? I have more of "why" in the second version...or at least i think :)
You're very welcome.
I do think the second one is a more appropriate response; it acknowledges the prompt more analytically.
