Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).
A sacred silence dictated the dark, cold control room, from where the stage glowed like a distant lantern. I leaned closer to the glass that separated me from ecstatic audience, and spotted familiar faces hooting and whistling in excitement. Blissful. I signalled the audio-video crew members to prepare for the last segment of the show, and sneaked out with my walkie-talkie to join the euphoric crowd at the back of the auditorium. It was the finale of AJ Idol 2010, the biggest event organized by the Students' Council. A watery film screened my eyes, and my lips involuntarily curled into a smile as I embraced the fruit of three months of stress, panic, hard work and commitment. As the Overall In Charge (OIC) for this event, I had had a tough time delegating tasks, organizing and conducting meetings, approving 120-pages long proposal drafts and keeping everybody in the Council on schedule. There were differences to resolve, sponsors to win, and school authorities to convince. But looking at the overjoyed faces of my peers, I knew that it was worth it.
I am about 30 words/66 characters over the limit, and I can't think of how to trim it further. Would really appreciate all comments and suggestions.
It's a very good essay .. however, i think you over-describe the scene. Although that may be very helpful, i think that this is the reason why you are over the limit.
Thanks Samir, I'll try and condense the description. Any grammatical blunders ?
A sacred silence dictated the dark, cold control room, from where the stage glowed like a distant lantern. I leaned closer to the glass that separated me from ecstatic audience, and spotted familiar faces hooting and whistling in excitement. Blissful. I signalled the audio-video crew members to prepare for the last segment of the show, and sneaked out with my walkie-talkie to join the euphoric crowd at the back of the auditorium. It was the finale of AJ Idol 2010, the biggest event organized by the Students' Council. A watery film screened my eyes, and my lips involuntarily curled into a smile as I embraced the fruit of three months of stress, panic, hard work and commitment. As the Overall In Charge (OIC) for this event, I had had a tough time delegating tasks, organizing and conducting meetings, approving 120-pages long proposal drafts and keeping everybody in the Council on schedule. There were differences to resolve, sponsors to win, and school authorities to convince . But looking at the overjoyed faces of my peers, I knew that it was worth it.
Ahh I cut out you're first sentence! You probably really like it and I do too but its the only one that'stotally irrelevant from your actual content. The grammar looks ok to me.
I actually never thought of writing my extra curricular like this. I was gonna go for the cliche list of what I do and how well i do it crap. Now I think I'm gonna use your way. Thanks! :]
