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Students from countryside - Scholarship essay help check my grammar


jackie148 2 / 16  
Sep 25, 2015   #1
The first thing i want to say is that UWC scholarship is a miracle with me. I knew the UWC on September 17. It means that i only have 12 days to prepare everything for the application. This process makes me think of my favorite movies: " Mission Impossible". But i find it interesting

The scholarship pulls me out of deadlock. It helps meon my way finding a chance to change my future. I saw UWC while finding a suitable scholarship to go abroad . It's hard for the students from countryside to get a scholarship . There hasn't been any student in my district who received a high school or university scholarship to bo abroad. But UWC made a strong impression on me because it encourages students from countryside to apply. It was a present to me.

As a ambitious girl, i still hold on to my dreams. I cry at many midnights. That's when i come to a deadlock not knowing how to do, when i don't know if my dreams come true or not. Im obsess by my goals.

I always crave for a chance to meet people from all over the world, study in a unique and challenging schools. I also have a special love with cultures and countries in the world. Every summer, i use my savings to catch a bus to Ha Noi, stay at my uncle's house and wandering on the streets to meet, talk and even be a volunteer tour guide for the foreign tourist. Im happy when i tell them about cultures and help them. I like the diversity between cultures and people from every countries in the world. I have a penpal from Thailand for 3 years. We write letters 4-5 times a year, share cultures and give each other the Thai and Viet gifts.

In UWC, students can study with students from all over the world. It's a good chance to learn cultures and communication, train confidence and independence. I always highly appreciate the importance of independence. When i was a kid, i tried to do everything myself. I had my first trip to Ha Noi without my parents when i was 6. From then, i like going away alone every summer vacation. I love traveling. However i don't have much money to have such many trips. My family finance isnt allow me to do that. That's why i have to try a lot to reach that goal

Therefore, if i were received this scholarship, i would have chance to explore the world, contribute my effort to our community with my culture love, connect people, cultures and contries, heal the world and make it a better place. I want to sent my thankful to all people who organize and work for this scholarship . thank you for reading my sharing!
bonboncase 20 / 45 15  
Sep 25, 2015   #2
UWC scholarship is a miracle withto me.
This process makes me think of my favorite movies : " Mission Impossible". But i find it interesting
"it"has no clear reference
on my wayto find a chance to change my future
don't use "it's" or "hasn't" in formal essay!!! use "it is"
I always crave for a chance to meet people from all over the world,study in a unique and chalenging schools.
studying/ and study. not sure what you mean here

...too many mistakes. I will leave the rest to others. Please check the dictionary to avoid simple grammar mistakes
OP jackie148 2 / 16  
Sep 25, 2015   #3
I did but i dont know why. hope u help me :))))
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Oct 3, 2015   #4
Jackie, running through your essay, it does need a lot of grammar fixes, so let me help you out.

- It helps meonmy way finding a chance to change my future.
- ...scholarship to g o abroad.
- But UWC made..

- As an ambitious girl,
- Istill hold on to my dreams., I cry at...
- ...how to do,and when and ifi don't know if
- Im obsess bywith my goals.

- I always crave for athe chance to...
- ...a unique and challenging schools .
- I also have a special love withfor cultures and..
- ...countries inall over the world.
-...house and wandering on the streets to meet,..
- Im happy when i tell them about our cultures and help them.

- However i don't have much money to have such many trips. My family finance isnt allow me to do that. That's why i have to try a lot to reach that goal(this sentence is not necessary and will not help in your application, don't worry, the institution you're applying for certainly know you financial status )

- Therefore, if i were receivedgiven the chance this scholarship,
- i would have chancethe opportunity to explore the world,
- ...community with my love for culture love ,
- connect to people,
- cultures and contries, heal the world and make it a better place.and learn as much as I can
- I want to sent my thankful to all people who organize and work for this scholarship . thank you for reading my sharing!I do appreciate your time in going through my application and I hope to be able to contribute to your stemmed institution.

There you have it, quiet lengthy. I just hope that you practice writing more and read a lot to enhance your vocabulary. Also, keep in mind that when you're writing the word or letter "I" make sure that you do capitalize it.

Best of luck to you.


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