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'students doing community' Stanford: Extracurricular or Work Exp- Kiddies and Violins


cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 22, 2011   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

We are Students for the Arts, StARTs. We are high school students doing community service, dedicating our time to further kids' education, answering the call to fight the budget cuts of programs in schools. Each week I and my buddies in this club carpool to a poorer inner-city elementary school to teach musical instruments and arts. The kids are always overly energetic, but also undeniably passionate to learn violin every time I visit. Despite lack of resources they have so much potential. I try to make their light bulbs flicker on to connect learning with future importance. My friends and I do this club to give kids the choice to learn music, so that those who want to can learn, without financial difficulties. Now, I am co-president and organize the classes each week. I love expanding the classes and volunteers, but my real reward is seeing my classmates, even those who dislike school, turn into bigger people and purpose-driven teachers around these kids they are attached to.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Dec 22, 2011   #2
We are high school students doing community service, dedicating our time to furthering kids' education, answering the call to fight the budget cuts of programs in schools.---You should say 'such as art and music', I think.

Each week, my buddies and I in this club carpool to a poorer inner-city elementary school to teach musical instruments and arts.

Despite the lack of resources, they have so much potential.

My friends and I participate in this club to give kids the choice to learn music, so that those who want to can learn, without financial difficulties.

:)
ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 22, 2011   #3
Sarah

Suggestion:
Students for the Arts, StARTs, is a group of high school students who dedicate their time to educating children less privileged who suffer as a result of budget cuts of programs in their schools. Every week, the members of StARTs carpool to an inner-city elementary school to teach these kids how to play musical instruments and art. The children are always vivacious and bursting with energy, but are also undeniably passionate to learn to play the violin. They have so much potential despite their lack of resources, and I try to impress upon them the importance of the Arts. I joined StARTs because I wanted to give those that want to learn the chance to. I am now the co-president and I organize each weekly class. I love expanding the classes and volunteers, but the real reward is seeing my peers, even those who dislike school, mature into more responsible and purpose-driven individuals around the children they are attached to.


Some statements are still awkward sounding, & I couldn't quite fix them. It was an okay essay overall.

Hope this helps. If you don't mind would you take a look at my Gambling Lafayette Supplement. Thanks!
OP cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 22, 2011   #4
Oh wow, thanks:) Uh...you mind if I just take that? I could also just tweak it a bit or something, but again thanks!

Sure, I'll look at yours too:)
ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 22, 2011   #5
Sarah

No go right ahead and tweak. No problem.
& I'm currently tweaking my Gambling Supplement and my Extracurricular Essay so if you wait till I'm finished and then critique I'd appreciate that.


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