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'Students Against Global Warming, HIVE & community clubs' contributions to my school

jagmeet122 1 / 2  
Oct 5, 2011   #1
My greatest contributions to my school and community cannot be touched or seen, but certainly can be felt in the hearts of my teachers and friends. My positive thinking inside and outside of school has helped me to achieve my goals and encourage others to achieve theirs.

Over the last several years, volunteering has changed my life forever. I have heard my friends say that "volunteering is waste of time", but I think it is beneficial for your future. I started volunteering in my sophomore year of the high school, so I would have something to add to my university application. I have joined SAGA also known as Students Against Global Warming, HIVE and community clubs inside and outside the school community. Tutoring kids and SAGA have been the best volunteer work I have done so far. First when I signed up for tutoring kids, I was not very thrilled because of the time commitment. I felt there would be no way I could volunteer for thirty hours, go to school full time and do homework but I decided that I would try it. I started volunteering because my teachers told me that I would enjoy it.

I believe education should be a part of everyone's life and the best way for the kids to learn is by giving them an encouraging environment. In elementary school, I would sit in the different classes and help the teachers with tutoring kids. I would read children stories, play games and help them with math problems. Everywhere I would go they would follow me. They would always come up to me and give a hug and want me to play with them. During lesson time, they would try to sit as close as they could to me. The time I shared with the kids was a great joy. The little angels taught me to not let anybody bother me. Now, I can say that I not only taught them, but they taught me as well.

Later that year, I also joined Student Against Global Abuse club. SAGA helped the school recycle papers, plastic and aluminum cans. We were using tons of paper every day. I stayed Thursdays after school for two to three hours along with other members of SAGA to do what we thought was right for environment. We earned 360000 dollars from recycling over the years. We used the same money for school supplies and scholarships. I felt proud of what I was doing and I encouraged others to get involved.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 6, 2011   #2
You have a good storytelling style, Jagmeet.

Maybe you'll look at Rebecca's corrections and get some great idea -- some great sentence will come to mind, and it will express the most important idea of the essay. When you look again at the words you wrote, you might suddenly realize! You might suddenly realize the sentence that perfectly expresses the most important idea of the essay. That's what it's all about. When you write, you try to dig up the sentence with that Most Important Idea.

I hope you got a lot of inspiration from Rebecca's edit. Go to the Unanswered list if you have time to help some other writers mash around their ideas. :^)
OP jagmeet122 1 / 2  
Oct 6, 2011   #3
thanks Rebecca, i wrote cuncluding pragraph too. could you look at once please? and thanks kevin

Through my volunteer work I began to see that the real happiness in my life was not appeasing me but in appeasing others. When I saw the smile on the children's faces as I played with them, or helped them with their homework, happiness filled my heart that I never received by trying to please others. From this volunteering experience, I learned that once you commit to do something then you have to do it.

need help!!!! to edit this essay so i could get in GMU
beccalevesque - / 45  
Oct 7, 2011   #4
You could add something to the first paragraph to give the main theme. The following paragraphs should elaborate on that theme with examples and stuff. I think the concluding paragraph should tie everything together and reinforce what you state in your first paragraph. :)
abc1400 17 / 32  
Oct 9, 2011   #5
We earned 360000 dollars
We earned 360,000 dollars

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