The University of Pennsylvania cultivates the minds of its students both inside and outside the classroom. With a wide array of options, students have no choice but to be involved in the greater Penn community. Students go beyond the classroom to look for ways to broaden their minds and become great students. Apart from Penn's academic offerings, extracurricular activities challenge students to apply what they learn in the classroom to the world. Outside of the classroom, students are able to engage in cultural, civic and academic pursuits as befitting their interests. Penn's diverse offerings will allow me to cultivate my passions and find new interests.
Penn students learn beyond the classroom. With options ranging from research to a year abroad, students are offered opportunities to go beyond the traditional learning environment. With programs such as study abroad, students are able to immerse themselves in other cultures thus becoming students of the world. Through my experiences at Middlesex, I have come to understand the importance of going beyond the traditional ways of learning. Although I have never traveled outside the borders of the United States, I want the chance to travel around the world immersing myself in the cultures of other countries. I want to immerse myself in Chinese culture so as to enhance my Mandarin skills and become fluent. Penn's study abroad program offers me the chance to "enhance [my] understanding of the world's peoples, economies, and environments and their interdependence" so that I can further contribute to the Penn community and beyond. Through study abroad, I want to gain a better cultural understanding of China and its many provinces, to appreciate the cultural nuances of each province and to experience the rich cuisine that China has to offer. Through study abroad, I can also continue my involvement with community service beyond the borders of the United States. To be able to go to abroad and help those less fortunate than myself and lend a helping hand is something that I want to do while in college. Whether it is returning back to my birth country, Ghana, to help or anywhere else I want to make an impact.
Penn's commitment to creating and sustaining a culturally accepting community is a notable aspect of the Penn community. Penn's many cultural groups are there to support Penn's students of diverse background and to educate the community about embracing people's differences. Throughout my four years at Middlesex I have been involved with Spectrum, a group aimed to bring cultural awareness to Middlesex through discussion in the community. Through Spectrum, I am able to facilitate discussion in the community concerning race and culture. Getting involved with groups such as UMOJA and PASA, I hope to continue my involvement with such discussions and to contribute my opinions to the school's discussion. By getting involved with these groups, I hope to learn more about my own Ghanaian heritage and to be able to educate others as well on embracing differences. By getting involved with these programs, I hope to bring my perspectives to the community and in the process educate myself further.
* any suggestions?
Okay... for the first paragraph and a half, I thought Penn wrote that part because it seemed so impersonal and textbook "college prompt"ish. Cut it down to the bare necessities: "Penn has a lot to offer, and I want to be involved in many activities there," or something to that effect.
I like your Ghanaian heritage part, which really talks about you. The last paragraph talks about you more, which is what I am trying to find out about.
Hope it helps. Try to interweave stuff about you more into the intro. Because your intro is, trying to be blunt and helping you: keep that in mind, dull.
Good luck!
