hey,
I have to write and essay( up to 300 words) for the study abroad program that I'm applying.The question is " tell why you would like to attend". I have done some research and tried to write an essay. I am really weak in vocab and grammar. Can someone please give me a feedback??
Being an International Business major, my prior goals are to start working on a international level as soon as possible and to have a successful perspective of life. I believe the perfect place to start would be in one of the greatest universities of my own country, Bogazici University.
As a result of my researches I have seen that the Bogazici University is one of the most applied schools among the students. It has valuable educators, almost all of the professors hold a Ph.D. This is a very important factor for me to receive a good education, also to have a greater vision about my major. It offers high quality courses and recruits good students and teachers. Academically, Bogazici is a perfect fit for me.
Another great aspect of Bogazici that attracts me is it's friendly atmosphere and great campuses. Looking at the pictures on the website and talking to my relatives, I gained a mental image of a school that provides amiable environment among the students and teachers. The pictures of the campuses, great view of the Bosphorus attracted me at first sight. Bogazici's friendly environment will help me grow personally.
My enthusiasm and activeness extend not only to academics, but to other aspects of life as well. Bogazici has a large activity capacity. I believe that the opportunities towards the social and cultural life, numerous student clubs and the organizations will be very beneficial to me both personally and academically. For instance, not only I can gain various information in Management and Economy Club but I can obtain great experiences in the Folklore Club and the Sports Committee also.
for your conclusion you can expand on the bigger picture of how this study abroad will positively contribute to your life
thank you.. but do you think the other parts are okay?? I'm so self-conscious about this essay.
Being an International Business major, my prior goals are to begin working on an international level as soon as possible and to have a successful perspective of life. I believe that the perfect place to start would be in one of the greatest universities of my own country, Bogazici University.
Bogazici University is one of the most applied schools among their students. It has valuable educators, almost all of the professors obtain a Ph.D. This ensures me that I will receive a good education, also to have a greater vision about my major. Bogazici offers high quality courses and recruits good students and teachers. Academically, Bogazici is a perfect fit for me.
Another great aspect of Bogazici that attracts me is it's friendly atmosphere and great campuses. Looking at the pictures on the website and talking to my relatives, I gained a mental image of a school that provides amiable environment among the students and teachers. I was immediately attracted to the great view of the Bosphorus and the pictures of the campuses blew me away. I can see myself here. Bogazici's friendly environment will help me grow personally.
My enthusiasm and activeness extend not only to academics, but to other aspects of life. Bogazici has a large activity capacity. I believe that the opportunities towards the social and cultural life, numerous student clubs and the organizations will be very beneficial to me both personally and academically. For instance, not only can I gain various information in Management and Economy Club, but I can also obtain a great experience in the Folklore Club and the Sports Committee. I hope that you would consider me for your program. ( i dont know what else to write for my closing statement )
I hope this helps. Keep working on your conclusion. Try and explain how this experience will benefit you in the long run
thank you so much. I appreciate it.
I think you should add a sentence, one more sentence, to the end of that first paragraph. Add a sentence that elaborates on the assertion that this university would be the best place. Add a sentence that will use interesting words and be memorable -- a sentence that captures the most meaningful truth about your unique aspirations and the unique atmosphere a this school. That way, the rest of the essay will be an explanation of a powerful statement.
Paragraph 2 is too general. Name some specific faculty members with whom you would like to study. What is your intended major? You will be more impressive if you have clear goals.
Another great aspect of Bogazici that attracts me is it's friendly atmosphere and ... will help me grow personally. (for this paragraph, add mention of specific interests that you have, which can be pursued on campus. Demonstrate knowledge of the campus that extends beyond pictures from the website, etc)
Make the whole essay more specific! Let them know what your specific plans are! (even if your plans might change)
Thank you so much for your comment. It's supposed to be 300 words and I still have to write my closing statement. It'll to be hard to fit everything in. =/ Is there any part you think I should take out?
