Hi.
First of all, I think you have an interesting life. I have never been home schooled and hardly know what it is like. It must take a lot of drive and interest to succeed.
Back to the essay. You have provided a broad background of your life since you are a child. Thus, I'd say that this statement lacks the focus, or a thesis, that is crucial to every essay. Thesis is the backbone of an essay, I would rather not say a thesis statement, because people will think of it as a sentence. Thesis is an idea that you want to convey through your essay. I 'd like to question you that I personally use to question myself before writing: After my readers have read my essay, I want them to know that...??
To me, your second paragraph is the most crucial part in this essay. Maybe try to elaborate on that more. Talk about Why you want to teach children, is there any connection to your own childhood?
First, I really loved teaching children, and second, I was really good at it.
Why do you love to teach them? What makes you good at it?
elementary education with bilingual certification
Why bilingual? Is it because you met someone who can't speak English well, and you felt the need to learn his language? What language is that?
Grammar wise, your essay is great.
G L~