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STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM; U Toronto-trinity supp/ extracurricular


lexyliu1209 4 / 14 2  
Jan 21, 2013   #1
Hey guys~~ I have only four days to go~so any comment or revision is welcomed!! Thank you so much!

Describe your principal activities and interests beyond the classroom. What role will extra-curricular activities play in your life as a Trinity College student? (400 words maximum) Your answer may either be typed directly in the text box or cut and pasted in from an existing document.

When I was thirteen, I participated in a three-week study abroad program in Toronto. With my homestay mom Rosario and two other roommates from Germany and Mexico, we took walk every evening to the Mississauga campus of University of Toronto near our home. Since then, going back and study in this beautiful, modern, multi-cultural campus has become the biggest dream of mine.

In high school, my friends have been integral to my success. From initiating investigative research project to leading our school debate team to participate in the Asian Bilingual Debate in Singapore, we have always had fun while learning. This same "work hard, play hard" seems pervasive at University of Toronto, where competition is fostered with collaboration and not hostility.

Toronto's outstanding array of organizations and classes-particularly Hart House Debating Club, the Sahaja Yoga Society, and International Folk Dance Club (IFDC) (IFDC) -will allow me the freedom to pursue new interests. I have always tried to be a part of great feats in whatever capacity I can - from choreographing group dances in school to volunteering in the Provincial Museum for three years - and University of Toronto offers its students opportunities to truly contribute with unparalleled volunteer and community service opportunities. I always believe love can only be spread by extending our help to people in need. Through Toronto's Serve and Learn Program offered by the Center of Community Partnerships, I will have the opportunity to work, learn, and get inspired with non-profit organizations, community agencies, municipal governments and schools. I also hope to spend at least one summer participating in the study abroad program to Spain to tune my Spanish that I have been learning for four years. But the first thing I will do at Junior year is to become a member of Professional Experience Year program, an organization that I believe is the perfect example of the U of Toronto experience: an education that has real-world applications and a plethora of opportunities to do good with that education.

A intellectual and cultural exploration on a whole new level, the upcoming four years at U of Toronto could be challenging, but the students and faculty here will make the experience unforgettable.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 21, 2013   #2
Since then, going back and study in this beautiful, modern, multi-cultural campus has become the biggest dream of mine.

Since then, the dream of returning to this beautiful, modern and multi-cultural campus for my higher studies resided continued to reside in me.

In high school, my friends have been integral to my success.

My high school friends have been an integral part of my success.

From initiating investigative research project to leading our school debate team to participate in the Asian Bilingual Debate in Singapore, we have always had fun while learning.

This is an important line which answers the most valid part of this prompt. So I like if you give a little more elaboration to what you say here. I feel it is not descriptive enough.
happy_bons - / 10 7  
Jan 21, 2013   #3
When I was thirteen, I participated in a three-week study abroad program in Toronto. With my homestay mom Rosario and two other roommates from Germany and Mexico, we took walk every evening to the Mississauga campus of University of Toronto near our home. Since then, going back and study in this beautiful, modern, multi-cultural campus has become the biggest dream of mine.

I know you are short on time, but perhaps rework your introduction. I am a firm believer in answering essay prompts explicitly and not deviating too much from what is asked. You begin with a nice story, but right away you aren't answering the question,

Describe your principal activities and interests beyond the classroom.

So what are your principle activities and interests beyond the classroom? Can you summarize your interests into a a couple sentences or a short paragraph?

Your third paragraph is confusing. You begin by stating some organizations that you would be interested in, but you don't go into detail after that. However, I like the structure of this, as it is answering the essay prompt more directly:

I always believe love can only be spread by extending our help to people in need. Through Toronto's Serve and Learn Program offered by the Center of Community Partnerships, I will have the opportunity to work, learn, and get inspired with non-profit organizations, community agencies, municipal governments and schools.

Also you mention "the first thing I will do as a junior is..". I would suggest putting that in the beginning of your paragraph...since it is the first thing you will do...

Basically, your third paragraph needs more structure. For example,

Extra-curricular/organization etc. will play "some role" in my life as a trinity student, because _________. I enjoy/ have experience with/ am passionate about etc. _________, and look forward to __________.

You don't need to list too many examples, just two or three strong ones to get your point across.


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