'a study abroad trip to Italy' - Bowdoin Supplement

Bowdoin is a liberal arts college that thrives on intellectual discourse in and out of the classroom. Students, faculty, and staff all participate in the exchange of ideas in an atmosphere characterized by high achievement and a sense of balance. The Admissions Committee is eager to learn more about you and your school community. Reflecting on your own educational experiences, how have you prepared yourself to enter an academic environment like Bowdoin's? (Suggested length: 250-500 words.)

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As my teachers, fellow classmates, and I stepped out of the airplane after a 9 hour flight, we all sighed with contentment. I couldn't help but grin as I took in a deep breath of the cool, Italian air. It was fresh, clean, and free of pollution unlike the air in busy US cities. The landscape was remarkable; rolling hills of green, accented with colorful vineyards and seas of luminous daffodils. The only thing more astonishing than the Tuscany countryside was the magnificent works of art. From the prodigious size of the Pieta, to the minuscule, intricate detail inside the Sistine Chapel, Italy was simply illustrious.

Going on a study abroad trip to Italy was a dream come true for me. Art had always been an interest of mine; I took classes all throughout high school, eager to put my creative ideas down on paper. When I saw the opportunity to further my studies in Italy, I grasped the notion with open arms. Admittedly, I was a bit apprehensive of the trip at first. I was afraid the teachers on the trip were going to be overbearing and conservative, but I was mistaken.

Throughout the time spent there, my days were filled with insightful advice, constructive criticism, discussions on art and Italian history, but most importantly, fun. A bond was built over common interests, and laughs only made each day more memorable

This trip opened the doors to much more than art discussion. A realization occurred to me; teachers weren't around to give me never-ending lectures and populous amounts of homework, they took interest in me as an individual, and cared for me. . It was truly an educational experience that will remain in my mind, and my heart, forever.

By attending Bowdoin, I will be dedicated to participate in academic conversation inside and outside of the classroom, and get to know my fellow students and teachers on a more personal basis. I offer Bowdoin not only insight on world culture, but an understanding of how art in the early 15th century still strongly connects to themes in modern day. Studying abroad in Italy with other art students and teachers has allowed me the opportunity to get to know my teachers on a more personal level, and build a friendship that will last a lifetime.

Your essay does not back this.


You mean Italian culture?


And that contributes to the school because?

This is just a rough draft, obviously. It does back that statement because it talks about discussions we had about history and art while in Italy.

This? I see. It was a little unclear to me.

I think that your essay is quite good actually. I just had some questions.

I will go more in depth with the discussions and repost it. I was just afraid of going over the word limit, so I didn't elaborate as much as I should have.

Anything else I should fix? This essay is probably most important to me.

While I enjoy the images this puts in my mind -- loose-leaf pages walking around on little legs, textbooks teeming with little people -- I don't think "populous" is quite the word you're looking for.

Alright, how about immeasurable?

Now you've lost the liveliness while increasing the hyperbole. Play with the thesaurus. You want something that conveys both number and busyness.

It is a good essay. Because it is a strong essay, my critique will be more nitpicky--delving into nuance and substance. I feel that a few little tweaks would make it a lot stronger.

Here are a few things that tripped up my thought process as a reader:


Fresh, clean, and free of pollution feels a little redundant here. Given the short nature of this essay, I'd like to see you use your words more powerfully. Take out either the clean or the free of pollution to get to your point without being verbose.


Spell out the word nine.


This is as you were stepping off of the airplane ... into the terminal? Onto the tarmac? I would imagine that the air in the terminal would be stale and recirculated while the air on a tarmac would have the odor of jet fuel. I haven't been to an Tuscan airport, but I am also having a hard time imagining that there are vineyards and fields of daffodils surrounding the airport. The shift from an airport and (I assume arduous) nine-hour flight to the dreamy country landscape is too abrupt.


Again, a little verbose and repetitive. Minuscule and intricate are too closely related. You could substitute another adjective to describe the detail, but saying that it is both minuscule and intricate doesn't add anything to the mental image.


This isn't bad, but it isn't as descriptive as it could be. Why did you want to go to Italy? To see the art? To study abroad? As written, it sounds a little generic.


Notion isn't the best word here. It isn't merely synonymous with idea, but conveys that the idea is vague or ill-formed.


Conservative might not be the best word here either. As a reader, I had a mental picture of the teachers being libertine--my first thought as an opposite of conservative. Conservative has so many possible meanings that it loses its meaning here. The reader doesn't really know what you were afraid your teachers would be.


Yeah, populous isn't right here. How about prodigious or inordinate? Immeasurable doesn't really work either because it is measurable and the word lacks life. Like Simone said, play with the thesaurus here to get just the right word.

Ack! Out of time. I must head off to class. I'll let others pick up the rest of the essay.

Just like Notoman said, this is a very strong essay, so don't mind if I point out a little grammatical error...


I think that there should be a semicolon between "...amounts of homework" and "they took interest..." instead of a comma, because both phrases are independent clauses.

That's pretty much all I could find, and that's not a big deal anyways. Good luck with college apps!