"Magis," a Latin word meaning "more," is often cited in reference to goals of Jesuit education, which seeks to help students become better, do more, and have as much impact on society as possible. How do you hope to achieve the Magis in your life?
I look to my left and there it is. I look to my right and there it is again. I just seem unable to escape the horrors of the ugly "decorations" my mom has hung up all around our house. Everyday I would walk into my room and wish that those dollar store bought frames were not hanging up on my walls, ruining my room's aesthetic. In each one of those frames, my mom has written the phrase, "Study for the benefit of others. Why not change the world?" I never thought of those phrases as anything other than clichés. However, with each passing day and each passing glance at the wall, I have come to appreciate those clichés. Those words are no longer words on a piece of printer paper; now they have life and inspire me to live vigorously, learn vigorously, and aim to do more with my life. I hope to achieve the Magis in my life by devoting myself to service and care through medicine. Eventually, my goal is to become a member of the Doctors Without Borders community and travel to different countries providing medical care. My journey begins at Boston College, where a multitude of opportunities and knowledge awaits me. There (or here? not sure which one to use), I will be challenged to be a woman of others. At the Morrissey College of Arts and Sciences, I will be able to learn from the most prestigious and dedicated professors who will nurture my knowledge in the field of biochemistry. Furthermore, I will be able to take full advantage of the many research opportunities and internships that are available in the city of Boston. The people I will encounter, the relationships that I will create, and the many "ah-ha" moments that I will experience at Boston College are all tools that will assist me in achieving those goals, written on my walls.
Janice, what is the word count limit on this essay? There is actually a whole portion of the essay that you can add to in discussion of why and how you have become inspired to change the world. I was really struck by the words that your mother had framed onto the wall of your room. It makes a lot of sense. Those are strong inspirational words. However, you did not fully develop the effect of the statement in your life.
As a reviewer, I would look for instances when those words had an impact on your life. When those very words began to spark the "magis" in you so that you developed into this person who wants to change the world as a member of Doctors Without Borders. Give us the background. What inspired your mother to stick those words up on your bedroom wall? What were you like before then?
I also believe that your essay will benefit tremendously if you can offer the reviewer a look into your immediate plans to help change the world as a member of Boston College. What particular university organizations do you look forward to joining that can help you further support your desire to change the world? Being able to relate the school activities and organizations with your passion in life, and showing how it can help spark a stronger desire within you always helps improve an essay of this sort.
The rest of the essay is strong and shows a strong sense of commitment to your future. I would retain everything in the end part and just work on improving the middle part. Fill in the gap that exists between the postings on the wall and how you came to apply at Boston College. That will work just fine :-)
