Can you please check the essay for me: about the idea, grammar ? I don't know if the 2nd paragraph ( the 3rd and 4th line ) is okay or not.
Thank you all in advance.
Oh and the assignment's prompts : Reasons why u want to study in APU
Past experience/s that u are proud of and how you intend to apply the xperience in APU.
"University of Queensland in Australia, the Hague University in the Netherlands, the Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University in Japan..." . The name of these universities keeps spinning around in my head since choosing an appropriate university is always my top-ranking concern. Nonetheless, I find out that APU satisfies the criteria which I look for in a university. It is my firm belief that APU would suit me best since I can learn more languages, enjoy extra-curricular activities, in particular, I am able to gain cultural experiences and academic knowledge while studying at APU.
While I was looking for an international university to continue my higher education, a friend of my brother who spent 4 years studied tourism at APS, Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University suggested it for me. At that time, I asked myself : "Japan? Perfect for me. But Beppu? Where is that city ? Is it actually located in Japan because I have never heard of it." . Nevertheless, when she told me about how she had enjoyed her time with the local residents through the local exchange program, the academic knowledge which she had gained from APU and the most important factor is that Beppu has one of the lowest costs of living in Japan. That makes me feel more curious to get those experiences on my own at APU. As Japan is one of the superpowers in the world and is well-known for its high technologies and tradition, it is a great place to gain access to these technologies. With its reputation of high educational quality and its multicultural studying environment, APU is definitely a perfect destination to study International Business and Comparative Management particularly for me, who always has passion for learning languages and broaden my cultural knowledge.
Since childhood, after taking part in a bilingual education system French - Vietnamese, I has started to find languages appealing and has devoted my time not only to enhancing my level of French but also learning English. I am grateful that my parents have always been providing me with every opportunity to follow my passion. In order not to let them down, I have studied hard and have finally obtained certain satisfactory results, namely good grades at school, third prize of French language art in Ho Chi Minh city. Besides French and English, Japanese has been also one of my favorite languages since I watched a Japanese film titled "Lucky star" and I am really impressed with the Japanese accent. These are why I bought some self-study books, and have been attending several Japanese courses. During the courses, I have opportunities to discover Japanese culture, such as a wind chime, the festivals in Japan including cherry blossom festival and so on. That cultural knowledge inspires me to come to Japan, in particular Beppu, to take part in the festivals and gain useful experiences about life. Furthermore, I find being able to communicate in four languages and being sociable very beneficial in engaging easily in this multicultural community.
In addition to my passion with languages, academic performance is another important factor to consider. All the hardship that I have come through in my three, short but unforgettable, high school years helped me to realize that success comes to those who are not neither afraid to fail nor discouraged by failures. During the first year in Le Hong Phong high school, I encountered a number of difficulties adapting to the new educational methods which does not completely involve learning be rote as in middle school. However, with my determination in achieving what I have planned, my efforts finally resulted in a significant improvements of my academic results in grade 11 and 12.
Besides being a good student at school, I also participated in extra-curricular activities such as visiting Reunification Palace, Future school of kids with disabilities, Green Bamboo orphanage, designing a wall newspaper. Moreover, I have enhanced my communication skills in French through a cultural exchange program Vietnam-France hosted by my high school and have received a French student to be home stay. Furthermore, as a member of Viet Abroader English Club, not only can I take part in many advanced activities such as debate, storyteller, skit, but I have a chance to greatly cultivate my English. Immersing in these exciting activities, apart from relaxing after school, it also helps me to improve my social skills.
I have imagined a student life at APU with plenty of obstacles yet the academic knowledge and cultural experiences which I gain from APU are valuable for my career and my whole life. I figure out that I should go to APU because I want to study in the multicultural environment and achieve both cultural experiences and beneficial skills.
Number agreement:
The names of these universities keep spinning around...
I think you should use the word "four" instead of 4:
...spent 4 years studying tourism at...
This is great!! You are so impressive. There are mistakes with the English, but that is just because you are bilingual. I think this is very impressive. You can make it better by writing more about your goals and plans. Don't just say that the school "satisfies the criteria which I look for in a university," but instead get specific about the professors you want to learn from, the classes you are excited about, the resources you will use.
Good luck!!!
