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'Why do you want to study in Norway?' - a motivation essay


fation1 1 / 1  
Feb 25, 2012   #1
Hello i am new here i had to write a motivation essay for an university i want to join they made the following questions:
- Why do you want to study in Norway?
- What is your motivation for your choice of academic field?
- What do you hope to achieve and experience during your studies in Norway?
My idea was to come from the past to the future and answer all the question they made:

The first time I used a theodolite was when I was 4 years old, my grandfather used to show me how to use one I was young I didn't understand much but I loved to watch him working with the theodolite, I helped him carrying the instruments around the field. He always took me to his work place where he had worked over 30 years I was fascinated about the maps and the measurements he made. He was like a hero for me I always asked myself how could he manage all those things he had to do, sometimes he stayed all night long drawing topographic maps. I loved to toy around with the equipment he had, with a smiling face he took me up and said: "You my son, you will be great geodesist, you will have the strength and the technology to do great things".

Then one year later the war began, my father couldn't risk the life of his family and stay at home, so my father decided to go to Switzerland. My father started the car and took me and my brother, he wanted to take grandfather too but he insisted and said: "No way I am going to protect the house, go get your wife and leave now". I and my brother were in the car, he opened the car door and hugged me tight, he couldn't stop his tears and with a broken voice he said to me: "Son when you grow up finish what I left unfinished, make this place a better place for you and your family".

Two years later we came back home, our house was burned and my father found grandfather dead in the basement. The next day we buried him, I just couldn't imagine that he was dead my hero. I said to my dad: "This can't be grandfather because heroes don't die they are invincible", He said to me:" This is grandfather but don't forget what he said to you, now you must continue what he left unfinished".

My grandfather's love for his work was the motivation for me to be a geodesist. When I was in upper secondary school our English teacher asked the whole class about what are we going to study, some said we haven't decided yet, some said we are going to study what our father studied, and then she asked me, I said:" Teacher I was born to study geodesy, my grandfather said to me that I have to finish the work he left and that's what I am going to do". She was amazed and said to the other students "I worked 20 years in this school and I have never seen a student like you, chase you dreams students because they will come true".

The next summer I applied but I was not alone we were about 200 students that wanted to study geodesy but only the half made it. Our university has a small issue that we have old geodesy equipment that don't even function, we just learn some parts that are still usable. So I made myself two promises, the first one is that when I graduate I want to improve and support the University of Prishtina with new geodesy equipment's that will help the next generation to learn more about them and not just see them in books. The second one is that I want to help my family and my state because when students graduate they don't want to work for the state because they don't get much money.

When I saw that the Gjřvik University College was offering students to study in Norway I said to myself: "This is my chance to make my dream come true, to help my state and my family". I always dreamed to study abroad because I know that they have better geodesy equipment and I would like to experience so many things that Norway have to offer the traditional food, the buildings, the music, the culture I want to experience the student life too, how they learn, how they work and how they live.

IF ANYBODY WOULD MAKE A FEEDBACK THIS TWO DAY IT WOULD HELP ME A LOT SO PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS....

yibe2 1 / 2  
Feb 29, 2012   #2
I love this essay, its such a beautiful story!! It is very motivational and I enjoy reading it so much and I can actually feel the passion you have for Geodesy.

There are some gramatical errors:
The first time I used a theodolite was when I was 4 years old.M y grandfather used to showtaught me how to use one,but as a childI was young I didn't understand.much but I loved watching him workworking with the theodolite, and wouldIhelpedhelp him carrying carry the instruments around the field. He always took me to his work place where he had worked for over 30 years. I was fascinated about the maps and the measurements he made. He was like a hero forto me. I wouldalways askedask myself how could he manage to do all those things.he had to do,[/ s].S ometimes he would stayedup all night long drawing topographic maps. I loved to toy around with the equipment he had, with a smiling face he took me up and said: "You my son, you will be great geodesist, you will have the strength and the technology to do great things".

If you want you can change this sentence like this:
He was very passionate, sometimes he would stay up all night drawing topographic maps. I loved to toy around with the equipment he had, I knew I was always welcomed there. One day with a smiling face he took me in his arms and said: "You my son, you will be great geodesist, you will have the strength and the technology to do great things"

Then one year later the war began,.
In this sentance you might want to put the year instead, you can write:
One year later in **** the war began,
you can also specify which war
M y father couldn't risk the life of his family and stay at home, sothereforemy fatherhe decided togothat we would should move to Switzerland. My father started the car and took me and my brother and I.H e wanted to take grandfather to come as welltoo, but my grandfatherhe insisted to stay and said: "No way, I am going to protect the house.G o get your wife and leave now".

I and my brother were in the car, he opened the car door and hugged me tight, he couldn't stop his tears and with a broken voice he said to me: "Son when you grow up finish what I left unfinished, make this place a better place for you and your family".

You can rewrite this sentence like this:
Then grandfather came over and opened the car door and he hugged me. He couldn't stop his tears and with a broken voice he said to me: "Son when you grow up finish what I left unfinished, make this place a better place for you and your family".

Two years later we came back home, our house was burned and my father found grandfather dead in the basement. The next day we buried him. I just couldn't believe that he was dead my hero was dead . I said to my dad: "This can't be grandfather because heroes don't die they are invincible", He said to me:" This is grandfather but don't forget what he said to you, now you must continue what he left unfinished".

My grandfather's love for his work was the motivation for me to be a geodesist. When I was in upper secondary school our English teacher asked the whole class about what are we were going to study, some students said wethey haven't decided yet, some said we arethey were going to study what ourtheir father studied, and then she asked me, I said:" Teacher I was born to study geodesy, my grandfather said to me that I have to finish the work he left and that's what I am going to do". She was amazed and said to the other students "I worked 20 years in this school and I have never seen a student like you, chase you dreams students because they will come true".

The next summer I applied but I was not alone we were about 200 students that wanted to study geodesy but only the ha lf made it.

you might want to rewrite:
The next summer I applied to the geodesy program in (name of school), however I was not alone. About 200 students wanted to enter the geodesy program but only half made it in.Its not clear if you did or not, im assuming you did, you might want to mention that.

Our university has a small issue that we have old geodesy equipment that don't even functiondoesn't work properly.We learn from the few equipment that is still in good conditionjust learn some parts that are still usable . So I have made myself two promises, the first one is that when Iafter graduating I want to improve and supportprovide the University of Prishtina with new geodesy equipment's that will help the next generation to learn more about them and not just see them in booksfrom hands on experience . The second one is thatpromise is toI want to help my family and my state because when students graduate they don't want to work for the state because they don't get much money.

This sentence is not very clear try to explain it better .
When I saw that the Gjřvik University College was offering students to study in Norway I said to myself: "This is my chance to make my dream come true, to help my state and my family". I have always dreamed ofstudystudying abroad because I want toknow that they havework with better geodesy equipment and I would like to experience so many things that Norway havehas to offer such as the traditional food, the buildings, the music, the cultures,experience the student life too , how they learnteaching environment , how they workworkfield and how they live[lifestyle .

Hi Fation, I enjoyed your essay very much!, it is very encouraging, It does need more work. I hope The comments I made help you! :) Once you fix it you should repost it again! im sure more people can give you great suggestions and I would love to read it!!
yibe2 1 / 2  
Feb 29, 2012   #3
Sorry the 7th sentence should look like this:
I would ask myself how he managed to do all those things.
I just looked it over, theres still more to edit, take your time it will come out great :)
OP fation1 1 / 1  
Feb 29, 2012   #4
thank you very much but i send it so it's to late now for the correction but i think they will like it thank you very much...:D


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