Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


'The study of physics never fails to bore me' - Governor's School Essay - Computational Physics


zxcv4306 1 / -  
Nov 20, 2014   #1
I am applying for a school for computational physics. Any help would be appreciated.

Prompt: Discuss how you expect participation in the Governor's School for Computation Physics to affect your educational path and help you to achieve your career goals.

Essay: The Governor's School for Computational Physics
The study of physics never fails to bore me. Its unlimited potential of acquiring the knowledge of the universe makes the subject exciting and fun while being far-reaching in merit and practicality. Especially, the subject's relevance in variety of real world applications allows physics students to be versatile and valuable members of the workforce. And these attributes are the most valuable part of physics as I plan to study to enter and further my future career and educational path. The goal of my educational path is to major in computer science at Carnegie Mellon School of Computer Science or University of Michigan. In achieving this goal, admission to the Governor's School for Computational Physics will be a significant step towards my goal. Admission to the program will not only grant me the opportunity to preview my academic future, but it will grant me the chance to learn from my peers and study with them. Also, the chance to talk to the scientists and engineers at the National Center for Computational Engineering and Oak Ridge National Laboratories will allow me to learn more about my future path and career options. Computer gaming always has been a passion of mine, and my career goal is to work in the gaming industry at companies like Blizzard, nVidia, AMD, and Valve. My ambition always has been to create a physics engine and to design a game that is realistic as possible, so people can share their fantasies and adventures through an interactive medium. I would like to use the opportunity to study at the Governor's School for Computational Physics to experience real life applications of computational physics and to prepare for the rigor of college courses. If I am granted the opportunity, it will be used to more carefully plan my education and my future and, ultimately, to expand my horizons.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 20, 2014   #2
The study of physics never fails to bore me.

-Jongheon, this is a red flag sentence. You just told the reader that you do not like the subject of physics. Rather than saying "never fails to bore me" you can instead try to say "the study of physics always excites me." Just replacing the word "bored" to "excites" totally changes the dynamic of the paragraph :-)

Aside from that one problem phrase at the start of the essay I do not see any real problems with it. Your work is informative and answers the prompt in a manner that shows a clear career path on your part. I commend you for the obvious thought and care that you placed into the formulation of your response. It truly made the essay worth reading.


Home / Undergraduate / 'The study of physics never fails to bore me' - Governor's School Essay - Computational Physics
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳