i found it hard to make a proper study plan since i am not really good in english , but i have made the point, can someone please correct my grammar and how to connect the points???
1. why choose to study in Australia
Australia is the best place to persue my education because australia is not only known as the best couuntry in which has the third highest number of international studentsin the world behind the United Kingdom and Uniyed States, but also Australia is multicultural country where i can be apart of multicultural environment. furthermore many indonesian students study in Australia. its means there is a good relationship between Indonesia and Australia. i want to take benefit for adapting to local students in australia especially their culture and background
2. why choose Brisbane
one of cities in Australia that make me interest in getting best learning is Brisbane, because Brisbane is one of the fasting growing city in Australia, in addition it has best learning and living environment for International Student, very save city to live and has excelent public transport facilities. moreover Brisbane has one of Australia lowest cost of living. Brisbane is perfect place foe me as international student who looking for a safe and affordable place to study.
3. Why choose Chatenburry technical institute
i choose Chatenbury technical institute because CTI is a certainly located campus in the brisbane CBD with excellent facilities and equipment, and the course are offer in accordance with the requirement i want to learn.
4. why choose diploma of leadership and management
the thing that i take is Leadership and management because i find my self lack in advenge knowledge of management, i want to improve managementknowledge and how to be a leader.
5. reason study overseas
i want to study abroad because education system in my countryis different to developed countries especially curriculum, i want to gain new experience such as interacting or addapting to locals and foreignes students, alao i could improve my English ability.
6. what will you do after Graduation ?
after obtaining diploma degree i plan to comeback to indonesia to create my own busines.i have a dream to create job vacancy with the purpose is to decrease a number of unemployment in my country Indonesia.
7. im glad that i have an opportunity to study in Australia because the help of my parrents. They are support me so much to reach my dream. my family are in a strong financial. my father is entrepreneur and he financially sponsor my study in Australia. i am proud of them as my parents and i will do my best to finish my degree with the great academy achievement.
1)Australia is the best place to persue(pursue) my education
2) that make me interested
These are what I have noticed so far.
Good luck to your application!
Hey Lauren, firstly you do not need to write it in points but make it like a story until or unless it is asked to.
Now lets come to your essay point by point.
For your first paragraph, Australia has the highest number of international students, but you need to mention why it matters to you? Why multicultural environment is important to you? Australia has highest number of Indonesians that could or could not reflect the connection between the 2 countries. There might be another reasons, some travel due to job or some due to study. You need to mention why you want to be there not because everyone is there? Right ? That seems like a fantasy and following others. Be different and try to mention your own goals and dreams. Why you want to adapt to local environment? You want to settle there? You are going for study so write about how the environment will help you in practical or study experience or if you have any hobby or passion.
Second paragraph is written very well. But you can improve more by mentioning that why Brisbane offers the best learning? Whatever you mention you need to specify WHY. This will make your essay more authentic and new and different.
Third: What kind of facilities and equipment are there which made your decision to choose this college? How these are gonna help you in your study requirements? Today every college or school has the most advanced facilities and equipment. So what else you can specify here which makes it different and specific? What are you looking for as study requirements?
4: What have you done so far and why you chose this course? How this course will help you to achieve your goal?
5. You can improve English even by taking a course. Why to spend so much time and resources in international studies. So focus on the experiences you will get which might not be available in your own country.
6. You need to relate your goal and dream with your course here. How your studies gonna help you to achieve your goal.
7. You should make your parents proud rather. They are proud of you that you did something in your career. Write it the other way round. Parents always support their children. Mention what made them proud to support you this time.
Good luck :) Hope it helps :)
hi Azamat , thanks for your reply thats a big help for me, apreciated alot ..:-D
Hi Lauren, no worries at all, we are always here to help you out and we will strive to provide you the best and most comprehensive remarks we can provide.
There's also one practice that I always share here on EF, when you are proof reading your work, read it aloud and once you hear something off, this only means that you need to fix that particular sentence or phrase.
More importantly, make sure that you are able to express your ideas properly, this is very crucial, especially as you are dealing with formal essays or writing.
Furthermore, I believe that you have the right idea in your head, but I know you agree with me that, putting ideas into writing is not as easy as 1,2,3, it's a craft that needs time, a lot of polishing and a lot of thinking. Logic is also very crucial in writing so you to take note of how your sentences are progressing, from the introduction to the body of the essay down to the conclusion or your final paragraph.
thank u for helping me revise my point Sakshijain, i have revise mine i tried to make it become a story now, but i found it hard to connect the points become a story
Hi Lauren, well, you don't have to make or revise your answers to sound like a narrative but your connection to the answers that you have should have a connection not to the previous question but to yourself.
Please find additional help below;
3. Why choose Chatenburry technical institute
- I choose Chatenburr y technical - is a certainlycentrally located
- campus in theB risbane CBD
- equipment, and the courses are
- offered in accordance
- withto the requirement
- i wantof what I needed to learn.
4. why choose diploma of leadership and management
- the thing that i take is Leadership and management
- myself lacking thein advengeadvance knowledge
- ofin management,
- I want to improve my - management knowledgeskills
- and how to bein order to become a good and effectivea leader.
There you have it Lauren, I hope the additional modifications above guide you in achieving a well written answer to the questions above and I wish you all the best in your application.
hi justivy03 thanks for your help again , its really helpful for me , i will put my effort to complete this essay , GBU
Hey Lauren, no problem. You can write point to point but you should be able to relate your goals and practical experiences you are looking for.
Just write it and you will get all the help you want :) You already got suggestions from one of the contributors so I hope it will help you to polish your answers. Truly said connection is required either in story or point to point answer. Go with point to point :)
