* Please type within 2 pages using black ink in Korean or in English
- Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc.
- Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the AMA program
- Your motivation for applying for this program
- Reason for study in Korea and K'arts
dream big and do something
My motto in life is "dream big and do something. Don't just be good but do something excellent". I was born in a family that loves art. My parents have a big influence in shaping my mindset and character. Both of my parents are Bachelor of Arch. My father not only good at drawing but also proficient at handy craft. My mother was going to take fashion design department but constrained in financial problem, so she takes architecture instead. Both of them are really good at art, and the blood of arts also flows in me. Since childhood i have liked art especially dancing. Dancing has taught me to seize the moment and allows me be myself. I had my passion in dancing. I like to express myself through dance that can be enjoyed by everyone. If there are dancing events such as Christmas, Easter and so on, I like to volunteer myself to participate.
During high school I took dance extracurricular that allowed me to participate in various events or competitions and multiply my experience in field of dance. I managed to earn several awards in dance competitions such as 1st winner Dance Competition Engineering Expo Riau University and 2nd winner Dance Competition Festival Music Polytechnic Caltex Riau. My family always support me in doing my hobby. My teacher also say that I am talented at dancing and support me. But in the last year of my high school I had to quite dance because I decided to focused on my national exam. My hard work was paying off, I got the highest score in Indonesian language and biology at my school.
But back then, I did not know what exactly I want to be. Because in my country which art, especially dance is not very popular, being a dancer is not a promising future. My friend tend to choose majors that popular like accounting, management, etc which much needed now even though it is not their passion. While I am still not sure what to do. But one day when I find out about Art Major Asian Scholarship, I finally found my dream. My dream is one day I will be a choreographer and dancer which is recognize by many people both domestically and internationally. Because in Korea, which is very popular with K-pop, I will be able to develop my dance skills and start a career in art. I want to be a professional choreography and dancer like May J and Lia Kim. I want to be able to make a new and creative choreography with my own style in entertainment industry.
Moreover I wish I can take the burden of my tuition fees from my parents. That's why this is so important to me. So in the one last year I started to prepare all the necessary qualifications and focusing on this scholarship. I started to looking for Korean language courses which was very limited because I do not live in big cities in Indonesia. I started to learn from tutoring teacher, internet, books, video, music etc. After 2 months I take the TOPIK exam and pass level 2 with satisfactory result.
Seen from the magnitude of world interest to the country of Korea lately especially K-pop and drama series, Korea already has an impact worldwide. Which makes me believe it is a good point to start learning from Korea and it should be a very ideal choice in studying art. Learning directly about Korean lifestyles, league, history, and culture will give me the best lesson and experience. K'Arts is one of the best arts school in South Korea with the professional lecturers which makes the lessons focused on one major to produce professional and experienced graduates in the art field. I hope after I studied in Korean National University of Arts, in the next few years I become a talented dancer who has creative ideas in making choreography that much people like and enjoy.
please help me to fix my study plan, all the criticism and advice is very welcome.@Kiianiinw
i wish if you could start with something catchy for you life motto, shorten it into one sentence if you can
there are too many grammatical errors like "My father is not only good at drawing"
i wish if you could merge some of the sentences together so then the flow can be good
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Kiani, remove the motto at the start of the essay. The most common mistake that the applicants these days make is that they opt to use a quote to describe their life instead of actually informing the reviewer about it. You should start with the paragraph about your parents both being architects. Don't use abbreviations for the description. Use the actual term because you are writing an academic essay and using spelling shortcuts is considered disrespectful. I do not really see how your parents influenced your love for dance in the discussion.
Rather than saying that you have loved dance since childhood, show the development of that interest through the encouragement of your parents. Avoid using the term childhood because that is very vague. Just say that your parents enrolled you in dance school when you came of age to learn the rudiments of dance. Say that they did that in order to encourage your love for the arts.
Do not mention that you stopped dancing in order to focus on your national exam. The subjects that you excelled in based on the exam do not have anything to do with the arts or dance so it is irrelevant to the presentation. Focus instead on developing the competitions you joined and how demanding your training was and what sacrifices you had to make but it was all worth it because you excelled in this field and you were always determined that this would be your career. Never give an inclination that you had a period of doubt because the reviewer may wonder if you are truly invested in taking this course and completing it. Never leave room for question, always be determined, steadfast, and consistent in your declaration that you are going to be dancing for the rest of your professional life.
Your discussion regarding your choice of university is not as convincing as your reason for studying in Korea. You need to do more research about the university and discuss specific reasons to justify your decision. Right now, it is too generalized in reference and does not really offer an insight into your basis or criteria for choosing your university.
Since you already took the TOPIK test and passed it, you are a shoo-in for the scholarship. You have the major qualification to do directly to your study proper, you already know how to write, speak, and understand Korean. While your Hangul may be good, your English is faulty. Don't start a sentence with "Because" as that is a connecting word and is never used to start a sentence since there are no thoughts or topics to connect in that instance. In fact, you would do well to pass this essay through either an online grammar checker or Word 2016 so that the consistent grammatical flaws may be corrected.
@meksebsium
@Holt
@Godluck
Thankyou very much, i will do my best to improve it.
@Holt I am sorry, there are some mistakes in compilation of sentences, here is the correct essay. The following is an improvement of my personal statement using the various suggestions that have been given. I am very grateful if you are willing to give some suggestions.
I Found My Dream
I was born in a family that loves art. Although we are not rich, but I feel very blessed. My parents have a big influence in shaping my mindset and character. Both of my parents are Bachelor of Arch. My father is not only good at drawing, but also proficient at handy craft. My mother was going to take fashion design department, but constrained in financial problem, so she takes architecture instead. They always concern about my education. My Father always said that he hoped me and my sister can get a better start than they used to be. They always worked hard to provide our education tuition and make sure that we get the best education we can have. Both of my parents are an open minded person. We often discuss many things together and they give me an advice and opinions from their point of view.
During high school, I took both traditional and modern dance extracurricular which exercise schedule is almost every day for a week. It may be draining my energy, but I really enjoy it. My Coach also chose me to be a leader and participate in various events or competitions and multiply my experience in the field of dance. My parents always support me in doing my hobby as long it did not interfere with my study. When they have a chance they will come to watch and support me on my competitions. They also support me to enroll in a dance school when I am an adult to learn the fundamentals of dance if that is my passion. They encourage my love for art. Dancing has taught me to seize the moment and allows me to be myself. The more I learn it the more I fall in love with dance, and then I realize I have my passion in dancing, and I am going to be a professional choreographer for the rest of my life. My favorite role model is May J and Lia Kim. I chose the choreography because I genuinely enjoy and feel motivated to learn about it and it will give me a range of skill so that I would get maximum value to support my passion. I managed to earn several awards in dance competitions such as 1st winner Dance Competition Engineering Expo Riau University and 2nd winner Dance Competition Festival Music Polytechnic Caltex Riau.
The first obstacle I had faced is in my country which art, especially dance is not very popular, and being a dancer is not a promising future. Although my academic records are quite good, but the only thing that I like is dance. While most of my friends tend to choose majors that popular like accounting, management, etc., which much needed now than follow their passion. The second is about my financial problem. My sister's college tuition is enough to burden my parents. I do not want to add a burden to them. Study abroad is something I never imagined before, it is out of my reach. On the other hand start a dance career in my country is not a good choice.
So I started to search about scholarship program which have a dance major, and that is how I found out about Korea National University of Arts. The first time I saw about Korea National University of Art, I had a feeling there is where I am supposed to be and will be. I started to research about Korea National University of Arts and found it is the best option that I have. It gave me a glimmer of hope and arousing my fighting spirit. I like the approach this university takes to my course and the facilities here for my subject are second to none. Seen from the magnitude of world interest in the country of Korea lately, especially Korean pop, Korea already has an impact worldwide. Which makes me believe it is a good point to start learning from Korea and it should be a very ideal choice in studying dance. I will be able to develop my dance skills and start my career. Learning directly about Korean lifestyles, league, history, and culture will give me the best lesson and experience.
In fact, there are some people from my country who have entered into Korea National University of Arts. This makes me quite motivated. If they can do it, why cannot I? So in the one last year I started to prepare all the necessary qualifications and focusing on this scholarship. I started to look for Korean language courses which was very limited because I do not live in big cities in Indonesia. I started to learn from tutoring teacher, the internet, books, video, music, etc. After 2 months I take the TOPIK exam and pass level 2 with satisfactory result.