but it also
but also
the U.S.A.
to the United States
home; hence
, so
well being "caught" by the immigration sounds like a good idea...but I really need to see your body to judge if it's an essay that'll strengthen your app. From my knowledge of UChicago (I applied early action), it's a very creative and unique school. For an immigration essay to work, you really can't simply focus on how you learned english or how despite your language barrier you succeeded...cuz that's nothing new.
from your conclusion,
Despite many obstacles I faced, I proved myself that even the most unexpected and the most remarkable shifts in my life will not distract me from what I plan to achieve.
and
I have benefited from the opportunities my parents have given me
you seem to have fallen in the trap of simply describing your academic/transition to new environment hardships. I can tell you right away that if you simply described the experience and not your inner thoughts, how you were internally impacted apart from having learned all the stuff, it won't have the effect that you desire.