Mark Twain once wrote, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear". These compelling words are a reminder that all things are possible, especially when one overcomes obstacles. My journey to conquer my fears began during my senior year in college. With four semesters left before graduation, I was still unsure of what career path I wanted to follow. As finance major, most of my courses were based around financial markets. I had been successfully trading stocks and foreign currencies for the last three years, and I knew that I did not want to pursue a career in my current major. Although I felt that these feelings were normal for a lot of upcoming graduates, I feared that I did not know how to begin my post graduate life.
During my senior year at the University of Central Florida, I began to realize that I no longer wanted to pursue a career in finance. I had already completed most of my coursework in finance, and changing my major was not an option. After all, I was the first person in my family to attend college and after taking a year off of school due to serious health issues, I was already behind on my four year plan. I was unmotivated, unsure of myself, and afraid of what my parents would say about my law school aspirations. All I wanted to do was to graduate and I lost interest in finance completely.
As graduation neared, I knew that I had important decisions to make. In order to determine what my options were, I began to analyze my previous decisions. I had spent my undergraduate years in a program where I felt alienated. There wasn't a lot of diversity in my program and all of my finance courses were graded solely on exam performance. I was never a good test taker and no matter how hard I studied; My academic ability seemed to vary from my grades. There was no space for me to articulate my ideas. I excelled at doing research, formulating ideas and finding answers. It was time to take control of my future outside of academia.
I was working full-time during my senior year, and I did not have the opportunity to perform an internship. I began to consider completing a second major in order to gain some real world knowledge and after taking a few elective real estate courses, I became infatuated with the real estate market. There were many laws that I never knew existed, and I was determined to learn them all. My real estate law professor assigned our class case briefs as extra credit, each case made me think as a lawyer; I would argue both sides, research the actual laws and prepare my briefings. I developed a great interest in eminent domain and foreclosure laws. It was devastating to know how many homeowners were uninformed about real estate practices. I became determined to be their voice.
Unsure of where to begin, I wanted to dissect the real estate market. Many people, enticed by adjustable rate mortgages, were now in danger of losing their homes. My mission began in the mortgage sector. Two months before graduation, I received my Florida mortgage broker's license, and began to job shadow a local realtor who was also a broker. By the time I graduated, I was prepared to sit for my real estate licensing exam. I was finally taking control of my own destiny, and I began sharing my knowledge with anyone who was prepared to listen.
With the help of my parents, I was able to purchase my first rental property. Being a homeowner taught my more than any course that I had taken, most importantly it forced me to focus on the laws that govern the real estate market. This was my niche, the transformation was effortless and I was preforming in an environment where I felt efficacious. I continued my work in real estate and mortgages, but after seeing the devastation caused by the economy, I also continued trading currencies in the foreign exchange market.
Four months after graduating with a bachelor's degree in finance, I feel that I am finally on the path intended for me. I currently manage three rental properties, I have acquired nine investors as a self-taught foreign exchange trader, and I have helped aid an investor in starting an S-Corporation. I am a very determined, diligent and motivated leader. I have made mistakes in my past by not being able to make whole hearted decisions in fear of making the wrong choices. The only wrong choice that I made was I did not believe in myself. I am ready to reach my full professional and academic potential.
I would like to continue my professional pursuits by studying real estate law at the Florida A&M University, College of Law. The rich history of FAMU along with their diverse atmosphere has made this program my top choice. It would be an honor to study law with professors who have taught a diverse group of students. I would like to focus my education on affordable housing, neighborhood stabilization, fair lending laws, along with laws that affect minorities and their communities. I will make it my duty to be an indispensable addition to your program by contributing wherever I can and by being a model student and leader. I look forward to beginning my law career at the Florida A&M University. This opportunity is a perfect fit for my natural abilities and I look forward to being a successful attorney and a minority leader in my community.
Law school eh? I'm hoping for the same, so good luck.
- The period goes inside the quotation marks.
- If all things are possible, how do some things become especially possible?
- As a finance major*
- Courses can't be based "around" financial markets. Entities can't be based around something, but they can be based on something -- usually an abstract idea in a metaphor.
Overall, I can definitely sense your conviction, and I really feel the same way in certain respects. At the same time, I think your essay is unimpressive by a critical mindset. The reason law school appeals to me is the same reason I find your essay to be tame. You should include a great deal more logic with linking words such as "therefore" and phrases such as "as a result." They don't care as much about rhetoric or emotion, as they care about your ability to reason critically, unrelentingly. My understanding is that a person must have a firm grip and strong control over the ability to unleash their thoughts, like a firefighter might direct a powerful hose to extinguish a blazing fire. Identify in retrospect what your fire is, then work a path backwards to where you stand. No matter what, don't let anything deter you from uncovering an effective path. Continuing with analogy, there are 1,000 ways to the solution and you have to find one. Revise with an eye to eliminating uncertainty, and march confidently along the path you know. Don't waver or reveal any doubt. Don't set yourself up with a meager quote. Law school involves highly intentional writing -- it can help to start practicing now.
Mark Twain once wrote, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." ----- if you take out "once" it does not seem like such a cliche.
These compelling words serve as a reminder that ...--- it is awkward to say "These numbers are a reminder" because of number disagreement.
all things are possible especially when one overcomes obstacles. My journey to conquer my fears began during my senior year in college. With four semesters left before graduation, I was still ...
Use a hyphen:
...whole-hearted decisions in fear of making the wrong choices. ---- sounds like "indecision" is a word you might use here... or "Decisiveness.
This is a strong essay! I bet they'll be impressed.
Use a comma to separate 2 halves of a compound sentence:
This opportunity is a perfect fit for my natural abilities, and I look forward to being a successful attorney and a minority leader in my community.
