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'I got subscribers and sponsors' - Community Service Essay

jam2theizzo 1 / -  
Oct 5, 2012   #1
Getting subscribers from my small town was not as easy as I thought it would be. It was something that I had never done before, going from house to house asking strangers if they would be interested in reading my paper; The Whistling Kettle. I probably looked strange. I am a girl, a Muslim, and I am African-American. But such things never deter me.

You might be curious as to why I decided to start my own news paper in the first place. Well it was a mixture of curiosity, driven by determination, mixed with a little bit of courage. I wanted to provide something for my community that I had decided to do on my own, by myself.

I remember the exact moment when I went to my parents to tell them of my plan. I told them what I wanted to do and they said okay. I'm not sure if they thought that it would work or if I would even do it, but pretty soon they realized that I was serious. A few nights after deciding to make my own new paper, I had a brain storming session. For this I took my favorite notepad and Bic ball point pen and laid on my living room couch. My family was all around me. My brother was watching TV, my "mom" was cooking in the kitchen, my little siblings were laughing and playing, and I was right in the middle of all the commotion in my own world thinking of the perfect news paper name

The Whistling Kettle, was the title I chose. I liked its imagery, I liked its ring. With a name, and my idea I then began my journey. First I needed subscribers. I awoke on a Saturday morning, I had a clipboard and a sign up sheet that I made on Word. Dressed, and ready I told my family where I was off to and left my house. On the first day I probably went to around thirty neighbors. All of these people were strangers to me, and I had to make them interested in what I had to offer. What I was offering was a free monthly newspaper that I would write, made of interviews, stories, and literature, that I got from people from our community.

It was not easy. Again, I had never done something like that before and I had to tell myself that with every six no's there would be one yes. But in the end I got what I wanted, I had twenty-five subscribers, and was able to get seven sponsors from local businesses. It was a success, and I did it all on my own.

4m4jordan4m4 8 / 16 1  
Oct 24, 2012   #2
An excellant choice of topics but the writing and transitions could certainly be improved upon. Also I would rewrite the opening sentence to better introduce you topic instead of diving straight in.
jakejellings201 1 / 6  
Oct 24, 2012   #3
I kind of like the abrupt beginning, it really brings the attention, at least it did for me.

I heard from others that there shouldn't be the word "you" in essays, but I can see how the beginning sentence of the second paragraph can work. In a way, I actually like it.

" that I had decided to do on my own, by myself. " I would get rid of the "by myself" It seems a little bit arrogant. The "my own" part of the sentence already tells me that you started the business by yourself.

"my "mom" was cooking" I'm not sure why there is these symbols - " " - around mom but maybe you should get rid of them because it gives off a bit of an attitude. Although there might a whole different issue with your mom, it doesn't really belong in this essay.

"It was a success, and I did it all on my own." again, the "I did it all on my own" gives a little arrogant tone to it. I would leave that last part of the sentence out.

Could you read my essay?

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