You took nearly 40 words to reach the first "i".
The topic is MY sub... and the I takes too long to come. Also I would say that the introduction is very... you know unrealistic. Something that is not coming from heart. Its just good phrases and things... frankly, every suburban town is "green with lots of flowers". Is that the only special thing, you would like to mention????
The nanny part also is a misfit in the essay. Its not giving the nostalgic touch and warm feeling, if that was the attempt.
As seasons changed and birthdays passed, I became very enthralled in my own life.
Not required. Instead, what happens is.... life is very busy now. We forget to value many small yet important details of my life, which we take for granted. Take this idea and expand it in your own words. You see, until we lose something we take our hometown and family quite lightly which is what you should mention.
Another point, do you think you should mention this?? Instead....
I think you should mention the rich heritage and culture of your town.
What fascinates you about this town??
How is it diverse and colorful??
Stuff like that, shows you are rooted to your town and are talking knowledgeably and lovingly. Do not try to impress them with this...
A haze of periwinkles, salmons, and forest greens swirled together in a garden of blossomed flowers. Hanging from the ramshackle door of a dilapidated, old house, a birdfeeder overflowed with nourishing grains and appetizing seeds. So out of place in my modern suburban town where newly built brick houses conquered the land, this hut might as well have been accompanied by fairies and dragons and princesses.
You should tell your essay something about the town.
Hope this helps.... :)