So far my U Penn experience has been full pamphlets and brochures, which have created my hopes and dreams of attending the Wharton school of business. Watching both of my parent's businesses in action I have seen the business world, however I have not yet learned about business, Wharton can teach me. Wharton has smaller classes providing students with a more personal teaching, and it also boasts an amazing first year course load. The concentrations at Wharton are so flexible allowing the student to take multiple courses. I see myself in multiple concentrations, such as Global Analysis/Multinational Management and Business & Public Policy. There is an endless supply of education at Wharton, allowing me the opportunity to take part in interdisciplinary studies. The system will allow me to test out new areas and have a full schedule with ranging subjects.
Unlike many schools, U Penn is dedicated to its students rather than its own research funding. U Penn's want for their students to succeed academically and civically is shown through their career events and engagement in community. Working at PharmaSeek I have interlinked with many U Penn professors about their current drugs or medical creations going through clinical trials. Professors who are able to create life saving medicines simply want to teach the most competent and determined students, these professors obviously see something of value at U Penn. Not only is U Penn a great place to educate the minds of students, it is also a great place to mold the moral character of students.
With so many people from such diverse backgrounds, there is no doubt in my mind I will pick up several good habits. I plan to join U Penn's Pan Asian American community house and participate in the many diverse cultural activities available. I have never encountered the multicultural residential programs until U Penn, the program will give me the ability to take my world learning outside the classroom. I know at U Penn I will still be able to keep in touch with my diverse upbringing. My leadership and self-reliance skills will be tested through partaking in many of the club sports U Penn boasts. Philadelphia is one of the "smaller" big cities in America giving it the ability to have kinder and less distracted citizens. The Philadelphia area will become my own personal observational business course; where I will watch and learn from skilled business associates and average buyers. The city in its self will teach me wondrous amounts of citizenship and resourcefulness. I believe U Penn has the correct academic and social setting for me to grow to my greatest potential. however my parents cannot teach me I hope my U Penn experience will continue off of paper into real life so I may experience intangible joys that could never be obtained by a pamphlet.
sorry but the first sentence is confusing to me...what do you mean by northwestern experience is full of hopes and dreams~. I got the impression that you were already a student there.
Also there could be a potential grammatical error in this sentence.
" The Engineering Analysis and Engineering Design and Communication courses allow me to communicate with a real client and a real team it also allows me to learn from both objects and ideas. " This sentence is confusing. The Engineering Analysis and Engineering Design and Communication courses allow me to communicate with a real client and a real team. It also allows me to learn from both objects and ideas.
And the "real client" and "real team" is awkward. Of course the client real and the team is real! I know what you are trying to convey but just reword it.
Sorry i couldn't correct the rest :( I love your essay though, it's just the little wording here and there.
I'll be posting my northwestern essay tonight plz take a look at it! I still have to write it :(
[Moved from]: "pamphlets and brochures for a school of business" - u penn supplement
It'll be much better to focus on one or two major things you did for you parents buisness than to mention every little thing you've done with their shop. They want to know why you kick ass on your own two feet.
Also, avoid repeating names and titles when you can. Even if it costs you some number of words, mix it up. Maybe use the college's previous name if it had one. e.g. University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, UMD, UMassD, the college formerly known as Southern Massachusetts University. Rotating them out randomly keeps it fresh, which keeps your reading engaged.
Hope those helped!