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UC Prompt#1 I am a success

pablito3 4 / 12  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
Prompt #1

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

As I sat in my dusty and cluttered room, struggling to finish my work, my mom walked in trying to make sense of the mess of papers on the floor. The look of exasperation and frustration on my face quickly gave it away, as she saw the mental fatigue in my eyes. She broke the silence when she picked me up and tightly put her arms around me; her motherly affection was all I needed to push me through that last assignment. However, it was not a hug of sadness, but one of proudness and motivation. In times like these, knowing that my mom was proud of me was the only thing keeping me awake through those long hours of work.

My mom lived half of her life in a small and desolate town in Mexico, where she diligently worked day and night on the farm. Like every child, my mom had big dreams and aspirations, but she had to quit school to get a job, and even then, she struggled to earn money for the most basic necessities. It was these stories that reminded me of why I was so ambitious. The one thing that pushes me to persevere is that I should be taking advantage of all the resources available that my mom did not have. My mom came to this country with nothing in her pockets, searching for the opportunities and freedom that this country offers. Now, it is up to me to make use of those opportunities and I believe I have, as I have excelled in school and nearly exhausted my school's AP curriculum.

As hope for a life less like my moms, I strive to be a first generation college student and break the statistic that surrounds my predominately Hispanic community. My school district has a twenty five percent drop out rate, and those who do not drop out, go straight into the workforce. However, I want to be the first to break the chain of failure. As pompous as it sounds, I am not afraid of saying I want to be number one. I strive to be the best, not just doing my best. I will not be satisfied with just graduating or going to a community college; I want to go to the best universities that this country has to offer, much like those in the UC system.

Even though I live in a dangerous community where drugs and violence are pervasive, this has not been detrimental to my education; in fact, it has actually been beneficial because I want to be that underdog that proves the world wrong. I may be poor. I may not come from one of the safest neighborhoods. However, I will not let that hold me back and I will be a success.
MonsieurWise 2 / 21  
Nov 26, 2009   #2
Humn, a very good essay. Concise and strong. Very interesting to read, actually the first one I read talking about such a background and point of view.

Maybe it's so hard to criticize that no one even bother criticize it ^^.
Well, as for the headline, I suggest you change it to be "I will be a success." It's much more close to your conclusion (yeah, it look exactly the same, so it's better be close, I'm just kidding :)). Other than that, I can find no flaws.

Read mine too, please :p

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