"Success is a ladder..." - UCF Admissions Essay!

"Success is a ladder you cannot climb with your hands in your pockets." This American Proverb illustrates my attitude towards reaching my goals. My parents raised me to keep in mind that if I am to achieve success, I must work for it. They encouraged me throughout my life to stay focused and never give up. When I was younger, I was hesitant to heed their advice, but now as I reflect on my past I realize that they were only preparing me for my future. I have come to realize that nothing will be handed to me. Getting into a good college, for example takes determination and effort.

My family history and environment have played a major role in who I am today. Each had a part in teaching me the proper qualities for success in life. My sense of responsibility came from the generations before me. As my grandparents spent most of their time working to make ends meet, my mother had to take on the role of an adult from a young age. This experience left her with expectations for me and my siblings. From the moment we were born she held us to high standards and later pushed us to stay focused on our education. She sought to raise us in an environment that would help support and steer us in the right direction.

To continue what my mother began I feel that the University of Central Florida possesses the support and resources that would keep me on the path for success. My main interest lies in the Business Administration program. Being that all of their business programs are accredited by AACSB International, I believe that they can properly prepare me to meet my future career goals. Another aspect that I can appreciate is that UCF does not focus solely on academics, but it also embraces experience. This enables me to better myself and prepare for the real world. I am also inspired to attend UCF because of their goals for undergraduates; adapting to change, communication, creative thinking, diversity, ethics, and teamwork.

Whoever dreamt up that American proverb was a wise individual. Nothing worth having is going to come easy. It has been drilled in to my mind from youth that I have to work for what I expect to have in life. My future depends on my actions of today. In preparation for a bright future, I keep my hands out of my pockets and climb to reach my goals. I refuse to let all of my family's hard work go to waste so I have dedicated my time to finding a college suitable for me. I look forward to attending UCF in the summer of 2010.

Is there anyone in the world for whom this is not true? Probably not.

Are there many college applicants who do not at least say they believe in hard work? Are there many whose parents have not encouraged them to work hard? Again, probably not.

In short, this essay tells us next to nothing about you. That you have built it around an old saying only makes it more generic. Try again, stressing your unique experiences and qualities.

Ok i understand what you are sayin, do you have any suggestions upon making it better?

first of all, your thesis/argument is very general here. ad EF_Simone was telling you, the topic itself is overused by thousands of high school seniors each year. You might be better off looking for a specific event or something different that will make you stand out among thousands of college applicants applying to your school this year.