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"successful donation experience" - extracurricular activities-Common Essay


dan92 1 / -  
Sep 28, 2010   #1
Hi everybody! Please give some suggestions about my essay!Thanks

In May 2008 when the serious earthquake attacked China, I and my partner began our first private donation in New Jersey. Standing on the street, no one gave much attention to us firstly, maybe because we are only two girls with one donation box and no public materials. We tried to stop passers-by and explained one by one, but it wasted of time. To attract the attention of passers, we stick the headline news of China Daily on the box. It was easy to tell people what we were doing. $1, $5 and $10, little by little, we successfully raised $250 on the street. The next day, the donation expanded to the campus. My American classmates and teachers not only donated money, but also their own clothes. The successful donation experience challenged my courage, and also let me knows that disaster has limit while the greatest love knows no boundary. Everyone is a giver and meanwhile a receiver. It is love and responsibilities that create the balance between the two and human's happiness are the role change between it.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 12, 2010   #2
Awesome... you wrote with such wisdom that I cannot think of a way to improve the content... and Mark edited so carefully that I cannot think of a way to improve the grammar. Right at the end, here, I finally found a mistake I could correct:

human happiness are the role change between it.

There is no need to write "human's"...


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