please be brutallly honest
prompt : The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
No longer than 500 words:
A successful student is not just one who can memorize the first 100 digits of pi, or one who can recite the Preamble of the Constitution from memory, as most people define a successful student as. A successful student is one who benefits the most in school and out, from extracurricular activities to sports. The FSU motto of ''Vires, Artes, Mores" is a complex motto that inspires others to challenge themselves and do the impossible.
An art that grew on me was music. When I moved to Florida, I signed up for chorus in 7th grade. However, I never knew it would take me to where I am today, and I am thankful to have chosen singing in the first place. My previous musical experience only was junior high orchestra, but my love for music grew rapidly as I started singing. It gave me a new way to express joy, sadness, and respect. That year, that was when I knew I wanted to take it on through high school. In high school, we eventually became a second family to each other and felt like we knew each other since we were in diapers. My favorite time of year was when we would go to Disney Candlelight and sing in the Christmas Processional. Singing in a mass choir in Disney world has always been my dream, and to be able to fulfill it has made singing the best experience in the world.
My different strengths have helped my journey through high school. Vires has been taught to me through my family and friends and the support will always continue. They have always taught me to never give up, and that I can do anything. In high school, they convinced me to join the AICE academy there, meaning I would be taking more rigorous, college-level courses. I would not trade the experience I have had for the world and I thank them for pushing me. Instead of just challenging my intellectual skills, I also increased my physical skills. I joined the cross-country team, and running in the Florida weather everyday I believe is my own accomplishment. I developed discipline, dedication and strength through running and will always remember my team. Our coach told us, "If you ever have to stop, slow down and keep running, but never walk.'' That advice has helped me evolve through high school and beyond.
To be selected for Florida State University, I believe you have to have more than just brains. To benefit simply from education is only experiencing half the lesson from high school. I am glorious to hold those characteristics that have shaped me, and I believe the place for them and me to grow is at Florida State University.
please be brutallly honest
I have not yet begun to reaqd, but I assume you write well, because only a good writer is unafraid of brutal honesty. Either that you you are good at other things, so you don't care about writing... :-)
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.as most people define a successful student as unnecessary, unhelpful.
The FSU motto of ''Vires, Artes, Mores" is a complex motto that inspires others to challenge themselves and do the impossible.--- wait a minute now.. it looks like your thesis statement is about the motto instead of about you. I think you should replace this sentence with a sentence about the theme for this essay, which is something about YOUR demonstration of one or more virtues.
I love the body paragraphs. Please revise the intro so that it is about YOUR embodiment of vires and artes, and please revise the conclusion so that it discusses the implications of these virtues for your future in COLLEGE and in your CAREER.
:-) The intro and conclusion need to also express the same, memorable theme that will cause the reader to really enjoy this and think about it deeply. IT seems that your theme may hav something to do with your values and what you want to accomplish at this school.
thank you for all the advice :D i bring these to my english teacher, and im in AICE classes, so he tells me what to put in, such as that line where I described how most people defined a successful student as .... (words here). ha so thank you :D im using both of ur advice :)
