They suffer Malnutrition and traumatisation; Vanderbilt Sup- Extracurricular

can someone please help me out and tell me if my answer responds to their question!! im freaking outtt

We so easily take the gift of life for granted, the roof above our heads, the four walls that surround us. Just four borders away children battle destruction while living in a war-torn country. They suffer Malnutrition and traumatisation. At the refugee camp I visited I witnessed a paediatrician battle to save the lives of Syrian children, whilst improvising medical procedures to the best of his ability. I assisted him treating the affected. We worked in two clinics, one inside Turkey- Killis and one inside Syria. Watching him make such an immense difference to these kids' life, just relieving their pain was incredible. The power of medicine, with a gentle touch of care from the doctor is enough to bring a smile on their faces, cure them mentally and physically. This experience reaffirmed my desire to help the people and opened my eyes as to the extent that medical support is required in the world. Furthermore, teaching me to appreciate all the things we take for granted, that the happiest people are content with the least. A piece of cake, colouring pencils, a teddy bear can make all the difference and could become treasures cherished by others. I was able understand the situation more from their perspective; seeing it with your own eyes is definitely different to the media we drown ourselves with 24/7. I obtained an insight on the many issues the world suffers today. This was an unforgettable experience.

I like your essay,try to be more specific about your extrac. e.g. when and why.
P.S. try to not exaggerate about povery.

thank you so much !!!okay i will.. its not really exaggerated thou, it was actually to that extent and perhaps worse, but i guess your right about being more specific. Thanks Again :D

We often take things for granted and never realize their value until we meet others who are deprived of them.


.... combine these two lines together.
Just a few borders away form where I live, children suffer from malnutrition and trauma in their war-torn countries.


I saw with my own eyes the struggle of the pediatrician to save the lives of Syrian children whilst improvising medical procedures at his best ability.

Thank You so much!! ill alter it noww! thank youuuu i really appreciate itt