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The Summer of 2001 changed my life completely. UF essay


Sui0915 3 / 2  
Nov 1, 2008   #1
Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.

The Summer of 2001 changed my life completely. With money that was saved up for years, my parents decided that it was time to revisit the family, so my family and I traveled to Guangzhou, China. It was the first time I had ever met my family from the other side of the world! It was rather exciting how I was on foreign land, yet I had family who lived there. People drove their cars, used taxis & bus transportation, rode their bicycles and of course, walked. Clothing was pretty similiar; they even had brands like Converse & Lacoste. They of course were fans of their own celebrities (that I had never heard of until then). My palate for the food of local restaurants was not appealing to me but McDonald's sure was! Even though I was a bit rusty with my Chinese, I understood most of the conversations people were in, but it still made me feel like an outsider. When I met my family and their friends, I felt awkward and felt I didn't belong. Even at the age of 10 years old, I was well-liked in the United States; I had knowledge about fashion and pop culture, but there was one thing missing that I needed to know about... my family.

So during the two months we were there, I made it my mission to get to know everyone and to see extrovert that I was. I took the initiative to get out of my comfort zone and decided to participate in fun activities such as grass skiing, swimming, playing tennis, and riding paddle boats and I ended up having so much fun doing it, no matter how awful I was. I even started suggesting places we could go to like zoos, water parks, museums, and eating at the local restaurants (which I ended up loving the food). I eventually understood Chinese better and the language barrier began to disappear and I was no longer assumed as an introvert.

And during my stay, I got to know about my family and their life. My aunts, uncles, and cousins told me what they did during the day, what they liked to do for fun, what was the thing they missed about my mother and father. My grandfather had a deep conver how my mother met my father. He told me that my mother did not want to leave China, but she knew that it was a wonderful opportunity to move to the United States and start a family who would have many opportunities. It made me upset how I never realized how much my parents sacrificed for my sister and I, and how their hard work goes unnoticed. I mean, I knew that they did not have high-paying jobs as a cook at a Japanese retaurant and a seamstress at an interior design shop, but money was never an issue when it came to supplies and clothes that my sister and I needed. And that night, I was watching MASH on TV and one of the characters said, "I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich." With this realization, I decided that I would work hard enough that I would be able to fulfill my parents' hope for me to receive a rigorous educational experience and earn exceptional grades AND to never take the blessings from my family & God for granted.

Today, I believe that I have begun my journey to success by taking AP & college prepatory courses and being an extrovert by being active in band, National Honor Society, Interact Club and other various clubs within the school. I also have a part-time job as a camp counselor and a waitress which requires you to be outgoing, enthusiastic and helpful. I also try to help my parents in every possible way by doing chores, cooking dinner, translating things from English to Chinese, and taking care of my sister while my parents are at work. I hope that I will be blessed with the opportunity to continue my journey to success at the University of Florida studying Education, hopefully teaching Chinese as a foreign language. From a Spanish proverb, "An ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of friendship," I know that at UF, I will be part of something worth than friendships, I will be a part of a family known as the Gator Nation.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 1, 2008   #2
"The SummerAs this is neither a proper noun nor the first word of a sentence, it should not be capitalized. of 2001 changed my life completely.

(New paragraph.) It was rather exciting how I was ...
... rode their bicycles a, nd of course, walked. Clothing was pretty similar ; they even had brands ...
... I understood most of the conversations people were having, but it still made me feel like an outsider.
... I felt awkward and felt I didn'tAvoid contractions in formal academic writing. belong. Even at the age of 10The general rule in academic writing is that if the number is between one and ten, write it out; if it is 11 and over, numerals are acceptable. years old, I was well-liked in the United ...

... and eating at the local restaurants (which I ended up loving ). I eventually understood Chinese (...) I was no longer assumed an introvert.
During my stay, I got to know ...
My grandfather had a deep converWhat is the intent here? how my mother met my father.
... and how their hard work still goes unnoticed.
... jobs as a cook at a Japanese restaurant and a seamstress at an interior ...
That night, I was watching M*A*S*H on TV and one of the characters said...
... I would be able to fulfill my parents' hopes for me to receive (...) exceptional grades AND to never take the blessings from my family &Avoid using abbreviations and symbols such as this in academic writing. God for granted.

... to success by taking AP & college preparatory courses and being an extrovert (...) Interact Club, and other various ...
... and a waitress which requires youAvoid using the pronoun "you" in academic writing; try using "me," "I," or "one" instead. to be outgoing, enthusiastic, and helpful.

... at the University of Florida studying Education, hopefully teaching Chinese as a foreign language.

You do a great job of explaining your background, but what about the "... and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community" part of the prompt? More specifics as to this should be included in the piece.


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