"My Summer of 2010" - Common App Personal Essay

Hey guys, here's my attempt to write my personal essay for college. Writing isn't one of my strengths so I am open to any criticism or errors. And if it's that bad let me just tell you it's supposed to be about my first time volunteering as a teacher's assistant and how I learned to become a better leader. I feel that I'm not expressing it strong enough so I need your help! In the mean time, I shall read some other student's essays.

Please write an essay (250-500 words) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below.
- Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

A significant experience that I faced was during the summer of 2010. My friend, Judy, invited me to my first summer job as a teacher's assistant. I was fifteen years old at the time and with not much experience at all, I decided to accept the job offer. I was clueless for what the job as a teacher's assistant held for me until it all started out when an English teacher asked me to make copies of her work for her students.

It was only through interaction with the students and helping the teachers with what they wanted that I learned to become a better role model and to know what kinds of responsibilities were upon me as a "leader." The teacher would ask me to help her watch the kids while the kids were taking a test or if she needed to get something. And I remember when the first time I was told to do that; I would walk into the classroom full of students staring at me not knowing who I was and I would stare back blankly. During that moment, I introduced myself and told the students to behave. And while I was still in the classroom, there is always at least one student that tries to find trouble or has a question about something.

Before I knew it, I had just learnt a new behavior of kids. It made me realize that kids would always find problems for me to deal with. Whether it was a big or small conflict, I was seen as the person who is supposed to take charge of the classroom and so they looked up to me for a solution. The students expected me to help solve their problem when they encounter something they don't understand. And as a leader of this classroom, I am the one to take initiative. My summer of 2010 was a remarkable summer. It gave me the experience of something I have never dealt with before and at the same time; I had learned how to be a better role model in addition to the value of responsibility.

Where it says 'think' up at the top was a mistake on my part, I don't know how that word ended up there. I just wanted to clear that up, because it looks like I was saying 'think' to you, implying I thought you did not think about what you were writing. :)

Oh it's alright. What do you think about the essay's subject? I keep thinking it's not good enough as a personal essay for college. And I sent in my application for Hofstra yesterday without knowing I will not be able to edit the essay for other colleges!