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summer courses through LPS - university of pennsylvania essay (courses that interest you)

college_seeker 5 / 6  
Jan 7, 2009   #1
Prompt: Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?

The course of study that interests me the most is accounting in the Wharton School. A unique characteristic that sets this course of study apart from other business schools is the fact that it's not considered an actual major, but rather a concentration. I like the fact that the Wharton School possesses the highest degree of flexibility of any business school that I have researched. This is extremely important to me primarily because of the fact that I can always create an individualized concentration if I decide that accounting isn't the best course of study for me. Another unique characteristic is the sense of uniformity that naturally comes along with the Bachelor of Science in Economics that all Wharton students graduate with, which in turn makes it easier to develop true teamwork skills with other Wharton students. I think this eliminates at least some of the cut-throat competition that could be created, if some degrees that Wharton undergraduates could receive were more attractive to the current job market than others. Teamwork skills are absolutely necessary if anyone wants to run or work for a business, so I believe that this unique characteristic in the Wharton School can only help me.

Another unique characteristic at the University of Pennsylvania that stands out to me is the fact that students are taught by professors who are literally at the top of their respective fields. This is great for me because it gives me the drive and determination to someday be in their position as well. If someone else achieves more than I do in any aspect, then instead of coveting their success and achievements, I always work to push myself harder so that I can achieve even more. I know that just by going to the University of Pennsylvania, I will have to push myself harder than I ever have before. However, I will appreciate and enjoy the challenges that this university will surely bring me.

Another unique characteristic about the University of Pennsylvania that truly separates it from other elite universities is the fact that the administration provides many outlets and other extracurricular activities that its students can participate in. In other words, Penn's administration ensures that its students can find a healthy balance between their academics and their social lives without them ever losing any focus of why they are there in the first place - to graduate and to become successful men and women. In regard to academics, this balance can only help because a lot of the stress that would normally exist if students only focused on academics is completely eradicated. The University of Pennsylvania is quite literally the first colleges that I have been to in which practically all of the students were enjoying themselves in one way or another, even if they were taking summer courses through LPS. This created a positive atmosphere where I felt welcome and where I could picture myself living in and flourishing for the next few years.

I am a good match for Penn because I have the skill set to live up to the legacy of great minds that Penn has an established tradition of producing. I know that I will be able to fully take advantage of the incredible amount of resources and research opportunities that only Penn can provide to further my scholastic ambitions and aspirations. I can have confidence in the fact that I will have academic opportunities here at Penn that are virtually unparalleled anywhere else on the planet, which only increases my drive to fully live up to my potential. However, with all of the opportunities that Penn will offer me, I also want a sense of knowing that I will be able to reciprocate the favor, which is why I plan to help the university out in any way that I am asked to. I plan to have a significant positive impact on the University of Pennsylvania during my time as a student. I know that I can do well both academically and socially here, which is the primary reason why I am a good match for the University of Pennsylvania.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 7, 2009   #2
Well, the content is fairly good, and your grammar is generally decent, but your style is perhaps best described as soporific. I'd suggest you try rewriting the essay so that you say all of the things you say now, but in about half the word count. A good start would be to ruthlessly eliminate every instance of "the fact that" in your essay. Try using the phrase "unique characteristic" a bit less often, too. Once you've cut out all the verbiage, post the revised draft for further feedback.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 8, 2009   #3
I know that I will be able to take full advantage of the incredible amount of resources and research opportunities that only Penn can provide to further my scholastic ambitions and aspirations.

I made a small change to this sentence above.. also, it is a good example of the wordiness that Sean mentioned.

However, I am so impressed by how well you stick to the prompt and address every aspect of it!

Improve tis essay by eliminating all that is unnecessary. Also, it will be great if you can establish one theme that is expressed throughout the essay.. something from the beginning that you can mention again at the end. I tried to pinpoint a main idea, but it is hard, because you had to answer a complicated prompt.

This is very good! Just simplify it and condense it.

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