The short answer essay prompt on the Common Application states, "Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)." Please be honest i take Criticism really well thanks I hope you enjoy!
Day by day: medicine, health disparities, public health. Six weeks of medicine, health disparities, and public health gave me a new holistic approach of how I see the world. There is actually real simple technique to master these topics: study, study, and study. At first medicine for me, was a life dream goal. As my mind adjusts to the challenges of medicine and the dreadful MCAT coming my way, my mind drifts freely, to sift through whatever needs sorting or disposing -- the upcoming day's tasks, stigmas, some nagging stress. As I close my eyes and my feelings go into deep rhythm, I am able to release that stress, forget that stigma, and set my mind in order. At the midway point, of Yale SMDEP, I stop and stare at mirror, congratulating myself for not giving up on my dreams. For just a moment, I stop to retrospect -- what once was a dream is now actually a life changing commitment I promise to keep. The Summer of Medical and Dental Educational Program at Yale University Medical School was the key I needed to reinsure myself I was on the right track. Then I continue on studying again.
First: your repetition of "medicine, health disparities, public health" in the first sentences really does nothing for your essay. It just makes it sound jagged.
Secondly: why use the word holistic? Did studying medicine really broaden the scope of how you see the world? Or did it solidify your love for medicine, thus narrowing your interests (the exact opposite...)
Third: there is actually a really simple etc...
Fourth: you do not stop to "retrospect;" you stop and, retrospectively looking back at the past few weeks, etc...
Good job making it into the SMDEP! It's quite a challenge, I've heard! But focus more on what you learned from it more so than the fact that you attended it - after all, colleges can figure that out as soon as they look at your resume. =)
Good luck! and btw where are you applying?
Thank you for your feedback! These are my top five schools (out of 12) Amherst, Johns Hopkins, Wesleyan, The college of Newjersy, Boston University.
