This is the second yet not complete, of two essays I have to write for a summer program of architecture. I'm completely blank. I don't know what to add... so any help is welcomed. :)
Thanks,
Prompt Describe a compelling social occasion from your personal experience, where the physical environment played an important role in affecting the nature of that occasion. Pay close attention to the particular characteristics of the place.
Essay I didn't know where the ball was going to take place, until somebody told me that traditionally, midwinter ball is held at the gym. I didn't believe that for the fact that the gym is for sports and there is no way it could be modified into a ball room. However, there is always a possibility and they did it-- the room didn't look like a gym anymore. Details such as the disco ball, the lights, and the music made me forget I was in the gym. The aesthetic of the room captivated me.
Added and edited a little...
When I attended Midwinter Ball for the first time, I was curious as to where it would be held. I was told by a friend that Midwinter Ball is held at the gym. I didn't believe him because of the fact that the gym is for sports and there is no way it could be modified into a ball room. However, there is always a possibility ...
SEE BELOW
This is how it looks now.
When I attended Midwinter Ball for the first time, I was curious as to where it would be held. I was told by a friend that Midwinter Ball is held at the gym. I didn't believe him because of the fact that the gym is for sports and there is no way it could be modified into a ball room. However, there is always a possibility and they did it-- the room didn't look like a gym anymore. The aesthetics of the room captivated me. Simple details, such as the light effects played an important role making a change in the atmosphere of the room.
The bleachers, which have always been on the sides of the gym, were impossible to distinguish, because they were pushed up against the wall and covered with white and blue curtains, and with Christmas lights. These lights added to the already-incredible scene within the gym. The floor was covered with floor mats and the tables were situated in placed away from the main dance floor, so as to allow more room for the actual dance. The basketball hoops were pulled away and replaced with Christmas lights which surrounded the disco ball situated at the center of the room. The size of the gym also played a big role in the event making it easier to move around and dance for hours without any difficulties.
The dates were asked to head over the gym after dinner. Meanwhile, my date was telling me how excited she was for the event. I was excited too, but I'm not the kind of person who talks a lot; I express what I feel with my eyes because they never lie. So, she kept talking, and talking, until we arrived at the gym. At the moment we entered the room everything was quiet. Now I was able to see real excitement through the eyes of my date, which express more than just words-- true emotions.
The main reason that this event was so successful was because of the amount of space available, which greatly added to the Ball as a whole. This relates to the subject of architecture itself, in that the physical environment played a major role in the event's outcome.
Hi Lorenzo!
The first sentence is strange, because WHEN you attended it you knew where you were.
Maybe you could reword that first sentence. It is not very interesting, anyway.
Oh, but the rest of the paragraph is interesting! I like your approach, just not that first sentence.
I thought all school dances were held in the gym! :-)
So, she kept talking, and talking, until we arrived at the gym. ----hahahahahaha!!...
I like this essay. I like the way you digress and talk about your conversation with the date, etc. But at the end you should come back to the main idea and express your interest in architecture directly. Express your intentions and goals at the end of the essay.
Hello Kevin :)
Thanks for the feedback!
I really appreciate your help.
Most of people who have read the essay tend to laugh in that part... haha
Best Regards,
