Is this short essay any good? am I answering the prompt? English is not my first language so I have a little difficulty and will need your help
Please describe what you hope to gain through your participation in the Summer Undergraduate Research Focus. (200 words) (I have 224)
Since childhood, I have had an inclination towards the unknown or the yet to be discovered, deriving pleasure from challenging myself; an ability my parents encouraged from an early age, making their best effort to teach me the importance of learning and a good education, an endeavor they did not make in vain. Because of my family's support and my personal intellectual curiosity, at age fourteen I decided to leave home and attend the only magnet/boarding school on the island of Puerto Rico, CROEM, since it offered a more challenging high school curriculum. Here I had the chance; not only to immensely expand my academic alternatives, but also to interact with students from all over the island, an occurrence that had not been available to me before and that definitely changed my life.
I am looking forward to repeating that experience, in a whole new way, by participating in the Summer Undergraduate Research Focus and interacting with people from varies parts of the globe. This program will expose me to the world of genetics research, prepare me for the world of graduate education and take me many steps closer of reaching my goal of continuing on to receive a Ph.D. in Human Genetics. I plan to develop an infallible set of skills that will one day make me a better scientist, colleague and possible mentor.
If you changed
"Since childhood, I have had an inclination towards the unknown or the yet to be discovered, deriving pleasure from challenging myself; an ability my parents encouraged from an early age, making their best effort to teach me the importance of learning and a good education, an endeavor they did not make in vain."
to
"I have always been curious and hard working, even as a child."
that would cut down on the word count. It would also focus the essay a bit more. Apart from that, I'd say you answer the question fairly well.
Thanks for your quick reply
I tweaked it around a bit.. Is it any better ? I really want to make an OUTSTANDING short essay.. what would you recommend to make it excellent
Curiosity is an emotion that I have been familiar with since early childhood, an eventually developed into the drive to learn new things something my parents have always encouraged. Because of my family's support and my continued inquisitiveness, at age fourteen I decided to leave home and attend the only magnet/boarding school on the island of Puerto Rico, CROEM, since it offered a more challenging high school curriculum. Here I had the chance; not only to immensely expand my academic alternatives, but also to interact with students from all over the island, an occurrence that had not been available to me before and that definitely changed my life.
I am looking forward to repeating that experience, on a whole new level, by participating in the Summer Undergraduate Research Focus and interacting with people from varies parts of the globe, learning from their cultures and sharing mine. This program will expose me to the world of genetics research, prepare me for the world of graduate education and take me many steps closer of reaching my goal of continuing on to receive a Ph.D. in Human Genetics. I plan to develop an infallible set of skills that will one day make me a better scientist, colleague and possible mentor.
Curiosity is an emotion that I have been familiar with since early childhood, and eventually developed into the drive to learn new things, something my parents have always encouraged.
I am looking forward to repeating that experience on a whole new level, by participating in the Summer Undergraduate Research Focus and interacting with people from various parts of the globe, learning from their cultures and sharing mine.
This program will expose me to the world of genetics research, prepare me for the world of graduate education and take me many steps closer to reaching my goal of continuing on to receive a Ph.D. in Human Genetics.
This is much better now.
Good luck in school!
:)
Thank you very much for the advice!!! I really hope I get the spot !.. too many exclamation points LOL
It's looking good. A few more minor things:
"Curiosity is an emotion that I have been familiar with since early childhood, and that eventually developed into the drive to learn new things something my parents have always encouraged."
"Here I had the chance; not only to immensely expand my academic alternatives, but also to interact with students from all over the island," You don't need the semi-colon. Also, you could probably just end the sentence as is, instead of continuing on.
"I plan to develop an infallible set of skills that will one day make me a better scientist, colleague and possible mentor." No one is infallible. Maybe you could use a different word, instead?
English is actually my second language so I`m having difficulty trying to perfect it... Is this any better?
Curiosity is an emotion that I have been familiar with since early childhood, and that eventually developed into the drive to learn new things something my parents have always encouraged. Because of my family's support and my continued inquisitiveness, at age fourteen I decided to leave home and attend the only magnet/boarding school on the island of Puerto Rico, CROEM, since it offered a more challenging high school curriculum. Here I had the chance; not only to immensely expand my academic alternatives, but also to interact with students from all over the island.
I am looking forward to repeating that experience on a whole new level, by participating in the Summer Undergraduate Research Focus and interacting with people from various parts of the globe, learning their cultures and sharing mine. This program will expose me to the world of genetics research, prepare me for the world of graduate education and take me many steps closer of reaching my goal of continuing on to receive a Ph.D. in Human Genetics. I plan to develop a sound set of skills that will one day make me a better scientist, colleague and possible mentor.
Your essay is getting pretty good. Now, you must learn to master the comma:
"new things, something my parents have always encouraged. "
"Here I had the chance, not only to immensely expand my academic alternatives, but also to interact with students from all over the island."
"I am looking forward to repeating that experience on a whole new level, by participating in the Summer Undergraduate Research Focus and interacting with people from various parts of the globe, learning their cultures and sharing mine."
"This program will expose me to the world of genetics research, prepare me for the world of graduate education, and take me many steps closer of reaching my goal of continuing on to receive a Ph.D. in Human Genetics. "
". . . make me a better scientist, colleague, and possible mentor."
