Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


Superhero Sidekick - Common App Essay #5


hellopark 3 / 8  
Oct 27, 2010   #1
Number 5:
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

(Don't mind the title, I just came up with it now. I thought it was rather witty :P)
Truthfully, I am very ambivalent about this. I really don't know if I like it or not. I was planning on starting afresh, but I am still undecided. Comments? I know that there are a bunch of grammatical errors, but before that, does the idea make sense? Is it different? Thanks everybody. :)

I sat down in front of my computer, somewhat anxious to start. Time ticked as I continued to think. How can I make this essay interesting to its audience? The topic is diversity, which permits me to talk about any topic that makes me different from the person sitting across from me. I could talk about how I am a PK, or a pastor's kid, and how because of that, I had a copious amount of bad experiences rather than good. However, this isn't unique enough. The thing is, I look like a regular teenager. I act like a regular teenager. But there is one thing that makes me different. What makes me diverse doesn't exist physically. What makes me diverse is my type of personality.

A couple of years ago, there appeared to be a younger, more arrogant version of me. Harry Potter was on the television and my eyes were glued to the screen. I admired Harry's boldness and his firm leadership qualities. Something about that quality captivated me. Leaders stand out. Leaders are recognized. All that recognition perked my interest. I foolishly declared that I was going to be one just like them. The truth is, we, generally as people, all strive to become memorable individuals. We all crave to stand out from the crowd.

Now flash-forward to present day, English class. I am the diffident girl in the corner. I rarely speak unless required to. I think too much before I act. Based on the Myers-Briggs personality test, I am an INFP (Introverted, Intuition, Feeling, and Perceiving). Simply put, I am a dreamer. I imagine an idealistic world, where peace is found, and happiness, everywhere. I strive to make people happy and question the meaning of life. It may sound foolish, but I can create a plethora of ideas and create realistic scenes in my head, and I love it.

Is there anything wrong with thinking more than acting? Frequently, my mom would negatively remark at how much time I'd waste staring into space. If she could only open up my head and listen in, ranging from thoughts about gay-marriage rights to musical composition of scenes in my imagination. I took acceptance in the fact that I will never be the main character in my life. But it is my job to try and contribute with my ideas.

My audience is probably thinking, how does the topic of ideas pertain to the importance of diversity? I believe that the thinkers are just as vital as the more popular action-doers. Even though the natural born leaders obtain more fame, they would not have gotten far without the ideas created by the thinkers. Diversity does not have to be tangible. It does not have to be solely based on physical properties. With that in mind, I believe it separates those with memorable personalities and memorable ideas. Both have a lot to contribute, and both are dependent on one another. We need to rely on each other to strive forward in life.

Sure I may be known in high school as that one Asian girl who didn't speak much. I'm fine with that. My different personality with all its ups and downs will contribute to society-one aspect or another.

Thank you again! So grateful ^_^
crazytaco - / 4  
Oct 27, 2010   #2
I think it's not a good fit to talk about something up in the cloud in a college application essay. We can understand that you are a good thinker, but maybe you should talk more specific or real experiences in life. For example, you think about "gay-marriage rights", so what did you do to achieve your goal? Admission officers seek for someone who has courage to think boldly, but more important, they like people who can make actions to realize dreams.
OP hellopark 3 / 8  
Oct 27, 2010   #3
Yeah that's what I thought. When I finished typing the paper I thought that the subject was a little hm... vague perhaps? So I was planning on starting fresh, but when I turned it in to my English teacher (was a class assignment), she gave me an A, which was super suprising. Thus the ambivalence arose haha.

Thank you for your comment though! :-)
zengrz - / 92  
Oct 31, 2010   #4
Hi.

After reading your essay, I am really attracted to your personality.

I strive to make people happy and question the meaning of life.

Great person!

You essay flows really well and your use of language is perfect. But, however intangible you want to get, you need some solid evidence to show that your imagination is a valuable trait, and the best way to show it is to demonstrate how it has benefited you personally. In this way, people can relate and understand your feelings towards your imagination and learn more about you.

I like the way you say you want to make people happy. So why not elaborate on how you have made people happy with your imagination? In my opinion, it does not have to turn out to be a happy ending where everyone is laughing or something. Happiness can be something as 'intangible' as your own inner satisfaction. Think about how your imagination has bring satisfaction to you personally may be a good place to start. I like your idea, but I don't see how thoughts can be as important as you have described. Elaborate with some solid evidence can make your essay more impressive.

Hope to hear more from you.

G L~


Home / Undergraduate / Superhero Sidekick - Common App Essay #5
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳