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The Superman in Me


seivert9 4 / 8  
Nov 21, 2009   #1
"Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

This is my first draft it may be a little rough. Anything constructive would be greatly appreciated.

Minnesota is what I have known and lived with all my life. The people are genuine and the quality of living is fantastic. Blessed since birth, I was adopted out of Seoul, South Korea and raised by my loving parents. As bad as it sounds, I have never been too inquisitive on my origins or the story of how I came to live in America. To me life has been preserved in the small homegrown area known as Plymouth, Minnesota; "CNN's Best City to Live In" for the year 2008. My hardships have been minimal to say the least. In school I have taken advantage of every opportunity I could get to advance myself further academically. I immersed myself in the presence of higher learning, but I never knew what I wanted to do with my life.

During my freshmen year of high school the perfect bubble that had encompassed my life was popped. My grandmother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and her symptoms did not look curable. Every few weeks me and my family would take the five hour trip to Wisconsin and visit her, and every time her condition seemed worse. "Marlene?" my grandmother would ask. "No, it's your daughter Nancy," my mother would reply as a tear slowly cascaded down her cheek falling on her benevolent smile. This was the hardest part during the whole ordeal; knowing that someone so dear and close to you is slowly forgetting who you are. The world I had known was changing and life became more real than ever. I wanted to play superhero and pretend that I could cure my grandmother's disease without any problems. As time wore on I realized that things in my world and the real world were very different. On April 23rd, 2007 my grandmother died. Less than a month later my grandfather, Robert, died as well on March 20th, 2007. It was an extremely difficult time in my life, as this was the first contact with death I had ever had.

Back home I could hardly comprehend what was really happening. I latched onto the one thing I had always been successful at. School. I began to enroll in as many advanced placement classes as I could. Expanding my knowledge seemed to help ease the pain of my grandparents' deaths. It also helped me realize what I wanted to do with my life. Someday I would be the one working in the lab or hospital. It would be me who was curing the diseases that plague lives with pain and sorrow. I would be the one making a difference in the world. The world I have been living in has shown me where my life is heading and that anything you dream is possible. My world is always changing and the transition into college will be the beginning of my dream come true. I'm ready for that, and one day this superhero will make a difference in the world.
LorxX099 4 / 10  
Nov 21, 2009   #2
This is really well written... what I would suggest is changing the last paragraph a bit to say that you decided you wanted to work in medicine and cure diseases before you start to say how you picked up your school work.

It adds a flow to it. But otherwise, well written.
OP seivert9 4 / 8  
Nov 21, 2009   #3
Yeah I felt as though my conclusion was a bit off... Thanks for the feedback!
bobbybryant 1 / 2  
Nov 21, 2009   #4
Minnesota is what I have known and lived with all my life.
I have known and lived in Minnesota all my life.

Back home I could hardly comprehend what was really happening. I latched onto the one thing I had always been successful at:s chool.
OP seivert9 4 / 8  
Nov 22, 2009   #5
Does my essay have flow to it or is there something in between paragraphs I'm missing?
MonsieurWise 2 / 21  
Nov 22, 2009   #6
No no, it flows perfectly. I like your essay. Your headline makes the reader curious and makes them try to read till the end. This essay was very good. :)


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