Hello! I'm submitting this today, and I hope to hear any feedback on this! I would greatly appreciate it. :) Thank you!
Johns Hopkins University was founded in 1876 on a spirit of exploration and discovery. As a result, students can pursue a multi-dimensional undergraduate experience both in and outside of the classroom. Given the opportunities at Hopkins, please discuss your current interests-academic or extracurricular pursuits, personal passions, summer experiences, etc.-and how you will build upon them here.
The first ever food-related film I watched was 'Supersize Me'. In the aftermath of viewing the pseudo-horror flick, I spent days digesting information on health policies around the world. I was taken aback at how even after years of active health campaigns, the fast food industry still thrives and obesity cases due to unhealthy eating continue to rise.
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I was wondering if there are any clubs, organizations, or volunteer groups that share common interests with you? I am asking about this with regards to your extra curricular activities and how you can continue to support those interests at JHU. The essay is asking you to present the logical progression of your activities in relation to your stay at JHU that can offer you continued personal development and academic enhancement simultaneously. While you present detailed information about your extra curricular activities, I find it wanting in terms of connecting with your student social life at JHU. In order to properly respond to the prompt, you need to be able to offer a connection between what you enjoy and how you can continue to enjoy doing those things while away at college. There are some sentences that make reference such things towards the end of your essay but it comes across as underdeveloped and therefore, does not really help shed light upon how you can continued these activities at JHU. Try to correct those problems and the essay should fall into place in terms of prompt responsiveness.
Hello Louisa,
Thank you for your feedback! You are a great help!
I have added in my essay how my interest in public health/nutrition would tie to an extracurricular activity at JHU. Hope it works this time! Do you mind taking a look at it?
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The first ever food-related film I watched was 'Supersize Me'. I watched in horror how the life of an innocent man crumbled over one month just by eating fast food. In the aftermath of viewing the pseudo-horror flick, I scoured information on health policies around the world. I was taken aback at how even after years of active health campaigns, the fast food industry still thrives and obesity cases continue to rise.
My interest in health policy led to me completing a research project on vegetarianism for the Advanced Level Project Work. As a team, we studied the eating habits of Singaporeans, evaluated national health policies and strategized measures to raise awareness of the vegetarian diet. One of my ideas was a joint initiative between schools and the Health Ministry to install all vending machines in schools with game interfaces. The purpose of the game is to increase awareness of vegetarianism, and upon completion, the vending machine would dispense fruit cups. It was a pity the project was merely an examinable subject; we never had the opportunity to actualize our proposals. I hope that I can extend my interest in public health at Johns Hopkins University and tap on the abundant research and internship opportunities.
As one who is concerned about the ethics and nutritional value of her food, I have always dreamed of setting up a café in my neighborhood serving sustainable, organic food. The closest I ever got was organizing a health food fair in my school. I hope to be part of the Real Food Hopkins community and advocate about local and sustainable food.
What also draws me to Johns Hopkins is the multitude of connections the University has established with health- and health policy-related organizations. As part of the Applied Experience requirement, I am keen to organize school programs that empower youth to take charge of their nutrition. During high school, I noticed a lack of local volunteer organizations that provided health and nutrition classes. I saw a need for such classes because it is vital to make educated food choices from young. I thus initiated a school-wide program to give basic nutrition classes to primary school children. Going further, at Johns Hopkins, I wish to be able to apply what I have learnt in Public Health Studies and collaborate with like-minded peers and public health professionals to leave a positive impact on the community.
I appreciate that Johns Hopkins offers extensive support towards student-run events and organizations in terms of facilities and funding. Out of the many facilities, Digital Media Center (DMC) is a place I look forward to frequenting. In my school's Infocomm Club, I learnt to combine artistic talent with technical skills to engineer digital masterpieces. I hope to develop my interest in multimedia by taking advantage of the comprehensive range of facilities at DMC, and also share my experiences with newly found friends.
Nothing compares to Johns Hopkins' rich academic and extracurricular experience, and I would relish the opportunity to be part of this community.
Yes, this is definitely a better version than the first draft that you wrote. You were able to successfully tie in your extra curricular activities with the organizations existing at JHU. You also took full advantage of the possibility of expanding upon your spirit of volunteerism via the other available activities at the university. Reading this new version has led me to think about the potential of your previous activity, the organization of Advanced Level Project Work as a potential future project for you at JHU. The essay prompt does after all, ask you how you will build upon those activities as a student. I believe that one of the logical steps to take is to replicate the same activity for the benefit of the underprivileged communities near JHU. Or perhaps, you can also try to find a way to integrate these successful project points into the Real Food Hopkins community activities for its betterment. These are are just some ideas / suggestions that came to my mind in an effort to help further polish your paper and bring your response more in line with the prompt. Showing the admissions officer that you have a definite plan of action and execution for each question they ask related to a university socio-civic duty is always a good thing.
