Is the content GREAT? What can I add/remove?
In addition, please check for grammar and colloquialism.
There is a lot, I know. Sorry, but I really need help with them all!
In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.
Many students lose over two months of knowledge over summer vacation; they fool around and find themselves ill-prepared for the upcoming school year. For this reason, my school offers summer schooling. I have attended every year so that I can retain all that I have learned thus far, get a head start for the following year to come, and remain disciplined in studying.
Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself.
My family is insecure. We never take risks, and we only make decisions after extensive research so that we can make sure that what we are doing is correct. While insecurity is often seen as a negative trait, it is a key to my success. Because I am always unsure of myself, I am predisposed to double-checking and triple-checking my answers when taking tests, editing my essays an immeasurable number of times, etc. Due to my insecurity, I often find myself with the best outcome possible.
New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community?
I would like to engage in an organization that raises awareness about syphilis. There are tens of thousands of people with syphilis in New York alone, and many of them do not know they have it. The various symptoms and signs are nearly indistinguishable from those of a common flu, and are, therefore, easily dismissed and spread. By raising awareness about this sexually transmitted disease, i hope that there will be less people suffering and/or dying.
You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?
I would sing "don't worry; be happy" by Bobby McFerrin. When I first heard this song, I could not help but relax and smile. Whenever my friends or I am stressed, I play this song to smile and laugh, because I know that things will ultimately become better. So, I would sing this song to bring smiles upon faces.
Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.
Ever since I was young, I was advanced in mathematics. I found myself being able to solve problems swiftly and at ease, and it seemed natural to me that my future profession be involved with numbers. Although accounting is beyond simply numbers, I have become attached to this major because my mother is an accountant. By going to one of the nation's top business schools, I aspire to become a successful accountant and earn the title of a CPA.
Happy New Years by the way. :)
For the characteristic one, instead of "insecure," perhaps you should go with "cautious."
For the third one, why syphilis? Of all the diseases you could try to raise awareness of, and of all the other social causes you could champion, why this one?
For the fifth one, you need to work on smoothing out your transition from talking about math to talking about accounting.
Hope some of this helps. Happy New Year.
