I have to choose three essays, and I've wrote four so far
Please help me with grammar and choosing which three should be sent to College!!
Any opinions are welcome!!
1. Secret place essay.
Every Sunday at New Haven church after I play the piano for the morning praise and opening hymn, the youth group of our church has to leave the nave and wait for the youth group pastor right before the choir performs. My passion in music doesn't allow me to miss the choir, so instead of going straight to the meeting, I go to my special place -the church attic. Nobody uses this place now, yet the place is perfect to listen to the choir performing underneath.
As I stand there listening to the choir, I look back and confess about the past week, and pray for the well being of upcoming week. I was always too shy to pray and speak out loud next to people, but in this place I can speak whatever I want. This little room becomes my own secret chapel for ten minutes until the choir is done with their song.
2. Introduction to new course essay
The name of the course would be: The Guidelines to the Sensible Life. This course is designed for the enriching life of Notre Dame students. Specifically, the course will cover three general parts of one's life; the college life, working life, and social life. The course will require students to make thorough profiles of life's ordeals, and the professor will teach students how to deal with those events wisely. For example, the course will teach students how to survive from hardcore party, how to refuse friends' excessive request without hurting their feelings, or even how to revenge on the annoying boss without getting caught. These guidelines are essential for the successful life especially in this time period because people these days are highly social and emotional. Most colleges would rather focus more on knowledge-based intelligence, but emotional intelligences are significant in today's society. This course will guarantee Notre Dame students' smooth social life during and after college.
4. When you surprised other people or yourself by doing some thing unexpected
I was shocked when I found out that one of my important immigration forms was missing from my folder when the airplane landed on the JFK airport. I could be sent back to Korea, but that was not the reason why I was surprised. I was surprised at myself because I realized that I hadn't grown up since elementary school. I was only an immature ninth grader entering a foreign country with no families or friends around to depend on. I realized that it was time for me to grow up. At the airport security office, I did my best to explain everything with my short English. l asked to make a phone call to the immigration agency in Korea to see if I could get the document by fax. After listening to my long explanation and waiting for the fax, the officer nodded and banged the green stamp on my visa at last. As I stepped on the other side of the glass door of JFK airport, I was surprised at myself once again because I felt myself growing up.
They are rough draft. So I need a lot of help!!
Especially grammar!! English is not my first language!!
During World-cup season , all the people in Korea become together for our national team.
During this past World Cup, the whole nation of Korea united to cheer on our national team.
There are so many reasons
people often think that I am a stereotyped Asian kid
people often think that I am a stereotypical Asian kid
about sports and just play classical music; but I love watching football and soccer games with my friends.
Notre Dame has the strongest college spirit among any other colleges in the nation, and that's the reason why I am most excited to attend Notre Dame. Despite all these strong sports, I am still not very athletic because I am simply not very good at it. However, I read a statement of a current Notre Dame student on the College information pamphlet where he said that , "Even if you don't love sports, like me, Notre Dame will make you an athlete by the time you graduate." That statement just got me. Now I cannot wait to attend Notre Dame to find the other side of myself.
THis essay seems a little too vague, are there certain clubs or extracurricular activities that you can specifically name that show your interest and dedication to Notre Dame?
Every Sunday at New Haven church after I play the piano for the morning praise and the opening hymn, the youth group of our church has to leave the nave and waits for the youth group pastor right before the choir performs.
As I stand there listening to the choir, I look back and confess ...
Hopes this help
The Guidelines to the Sensible Life.
Something seems wrong with this title... Should it be Guidelines for Sensible Living... maybe? "Guidelines to" seems wrong to me. But I really like that essay. That is a good one.
I would want to omit the secret place essay, because that is least focused on your academic and professional PLAN, but it is so thoughtful that I don't want to have you get rid of it!
Nope, I guess number four is the one I want to vote off the island, ha ha. It does not really say anything. I mean, it does not really tell anything except that you ran into a problem.
But the other essays... all are opportunities for you to talk about short term goals and books you are currently reading to prepare you for your chosen field. That is the most important stuff to work into any essay, regardless of prompt.
:-)
