For OSUQuestion: write and essay supporting an issue about which you are particularly passionate.Explain why that issue is important to you.The sun shined on the outdoor stage as it liked the show. One by one, students came up and exhibited talents. Although as interlude between two performances, I actually linked them to be a whole show. I am particularly passionate about being a compere. Having been a hostess of school festivals, contests, and talk-shows since primary school, I just cannot put this avocation down.
When I was ten years old, I took part in my first host of school festival. I somehow was chosen by our activity instructor to host the May Day Art Festival. To everyone's surprise, I pulled out an "A" time. I furthered my achievements by hosting all kinds of school activities, competitions, and radio broadcasting. I wanted to win in contests and yearned for getting better and better to a top hostess. Thus started another workout. I spent hours in specialized speech training, communication with audience, emergency-dealing ability and cooperation with partners. In addition, each new level brought extra requirements such as weekend training sessions, competitions with other hosts, shows in other schools and more travel from home. Time with friends is increasingly spent in the pursuit of the upper grade.
Sometimes, in the solitude of recite speeches, my thoughts transited to events in my personal life. My uncle has undergone successful stomach cancer surgery, but we were aware that a full recovery was not guaranteed. When I first learned that Uncle were struck with cancer, I felt as if my objective, to beat other hosts and become the best, seemed irrelevant, even ironic, given the urgency of their mutual goals: to prolong life itself. Yet my family has learned to draw on each other's strengths for support-their fortitude helped me overcome my struggles while watching me hosting a performance provided them with a vicarious sense of victory. When I shared my latest progress, they smiled with pride. My uncle's strength has shored up my determination to succeed. I have learned that, as in hosting, life's successes often come in small difference. Sometimes even a humor to active the atmosphere separates a great result from a failure. The difference between success and failure is defined by the ability to overcome strong internal resistance. I know that, by constantly working towards my goals, I can keep the journey of hosting and accomplish what I set for myself, both on and beyond the stage.
First sentence is a little confusing, I suggest changing "as it" to "for it"
Third sentence is really confusing, it lacks content. What exactly are you talking about? I suggest wording it clearer.
"Although as interlude between two performances, I actually linked them to be a whole show."
What interlude are you talking about? What is "them"? Be specific.
Hope that makes sense lol
Thank you for you suggestion!~~
Maybe I should just delete the first three sentences to make the first paragraph like this:
I am particularly passionate about being a compere. Having been a hostess of school festivals, contests, and talk-shows since primary school, I just cannot put this avocation down.
Anyway, thanks a lot~~
My main concern here is your mechanics; you have a good essay but I am afraid that your story will get lost in mechanical errors. To help with this, I suggest one of the books from the "Prentice Hall Guide for College Writers" series written by Stephen Reid. You can pick any of them up cheap used, or get them from the library. I think there are six in the series now, and any of them would help you here.
In regards to content, even though it is touching, I am not sure what the details about your uncle have to do with the rest of the essay. I am left with an "unraveled" feeling because his story and your avocation interests are not closely tied together.
Yeah, I am working on my uncle's example. What I want to show is my uncle's zest of life taught me not to be afraid of hard training and persist in hosting.
Well ,thank you for your suggestions anyway!~~
You have some great ideas in it, but I would suggest trying to focus on just one event, just your uncle, or just focus one of your achievements. That way you can reveal something about yourself in a detailed and unique essay specific too you.