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"you can suprise yourself with your own determination" - fsu


patchell5107 4 / 8  
Oct 9, 2009   #1
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

The desire to exceed is one that truly empowers a person from the inside out. Each time we face our fears, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing. Anyone can give up. It is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. When you can suprise yourself with your own determination, you can surprise anyone.

Last year I found myself being woken up by a strange girl at school. I was lying on the bathroom floor, covered in blood. I had been blacked out, choked, and beaten. My head was spinning with questions. All of which could not be answered. I had been attacked and did not see the person's face. I felt scared, empty, and alone. I can not remember feeling more scared than I did on that day. I no longer felt safe at school. Even when I was surrounded by a sea of people, I felt as if I was alone.

"A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her." (David Brinkley) I believe your struggles develop your strengths and "Vires", strength of all kinds, has strongly influenced the person I am today. I attended school one day later and was no longer than weak girl. I walked through the halls with audacity. I had been attacked. But I did not let it define me.

needs a lot of work! help!
pinkejasmine13 1 / 3  
Oct 9, 2009   #2
When I started reading, I though it was gonna be kind of cheesy and typical but wow! strong use of personal experience. I really like it and I'm guessing it's so short because they gave you a characer limit. If thats the case, I think you did well in saying everything precisely and efficiently.

one typo:
I attended school one day later and was no longer than weak girl.
I think this is great! Good luckkk :)
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 10, 2009   #4
Okay, start by cutting your first and third paragraphs completely. Your second paragraph keep as your introduction. Then, continue your essay by explaining the circumstances of the attack -- what happened, why, how you reacted immediately after it. Then, finish with a more detailed, in-depth reflection of what you learned from the experience, making sure to say how it built up Vires and will make you a better student should you be admitted.
OP patchell5107 4 / 8  
Oct 10, 2009   #5
I like my first paragraph. I will not cut it. But thanks... ;)


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