I was surprised to learn that such a diverse range of people were educated at Carnegie Mellon

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program to which you are applying. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

Carnegie Mellon initially caught my attention as a world renowned school for technology with leaders in the field, but as I continued my research about the school, I learned that it is much more. I was surprised to learn that such a diverse range of people such as Andy Warhol, Matt Bomer, and Judith Resnik were educated at Carnegie Mellon. The unique perspectives of technology that the university takes on are apparent in the various departments of the school of computer science.

I strongly believe that Carnegie Mellon offers me the best opportunity to achieve my goal of applying computer science to solve problems in other fields. Beyond the university's reputation of having excellent academics, attracting successful students, and having traditions with a unique Scottish flavor, is the interdisciplinary collaboration between the several departments. These collaborations have produced very unique programs, such as the Human Computer Interaction, which I am primarily interested in. My first exposure to the possibilities of this discipline was Alice, and using this program and learning more about how and why it was developed has furthered my interest in human-computer interaction. This special program within Carnegie Mellon's School of Computer Science would allow me to combine my interests in many fields of study, including the cognitive sciences, design, and of course, computer science. I also believe that that the project-oriented approach the School of Computer Science takes is a perfect fit for my desire to apply computer science to a variety of fields and will prepare me for professions in the workforce that require expansive interdisciplinary knowledge.

The distinctive blend of programming, project management, leadership and teamwork skill building, and potential to affect people on a global scale has caused me to be interested in the Information Systems Program of Carnegie Mellon's Dietrich College of Humanities and Social Sciences. One aspect of this program that appeals to me is how the program is broken into four key areas that will allow me to receive a well-rounded liberal arts education, as well as key skills necessary to succeed in the real-world. In addition, the team based project courses offer the chance to gain real experience in the field along with valuable management and teamwork skills.

I have also discovered a program very unique to Carnegie Mellon, and that is the BS in Logic and Computation in the Dietrich College of Humanities and Social Sciences. Focusing on the common core of logic, philosophy, mathematics, statistics, and computer science, this degree would allow me to experience a very unique education that is rich in humanities as well as the sciences.

Along with the three programs I am interested in, I also think that Carnegie Mellon will allow me to explore entrepreneurship and the unlimited opportunities it unleashes. The university's Center for Innovation and Entrepreneurship offers multiple programs, like Project Olympus, that foster creativity and out-of-the-box thinking and turning those ideas into successful startups. Events, such as LaunchCMU, are valuable assets for any student interested in technology to grow and prosper in the field. Living in the Silicon Valley, I have already been exposed to the power of an entrepreneur, and I believe that Carnegie Mellon will provide me all the opportunities and resources to learn how to become one.

Thanks!

A bit awkward..Try a more active approach.
Overall, pretty neat essay. However, I do recommend that you try to incorporate things you've done that showcase your interest. Since you're interested in "programming, project management, leadership and teamwork skill building, and potential to affect people on a global scale", maybe tell us a story of how you accomplished such things. College admission officers are huge on "show, not tell."


Although I think I understand where you're going with this (CMU accommodates the diversity of people as shown by a diversity in departments of school of cs) it's still a bit confusing. These two sentences, as they are sitting right next to each other, don't flow well; consider revising.


Try to never put "very" and "unique" together.

Additionally, as I was reading your essay, I kinda felt like I was reading a brochure. :/ A lot of students will be saying the same thing... describing the programs at CMU as wonderful, unique, and helpful. What makes you different?:)

Also, comment on mine?:)

While I agree that your essay tends to sound like you took some information directly from a brochure about the university, I believe that the method of presentation that you used is still effective when the prompt requirements are taken into consideration. Your use of the information has shown that you have a clear understanding of the programs CMU has to offer you academically in relation to your major and your future plans as a student there, based upon what you know about the offerings of the university tells the admissions officer that you have a student career planned for yourself that you fully intend to see to completion during your time at CMU. At this point, the essay is not concerned about what makes you unique as a student. It's main concern is what you understand about the university expectations of its students and that can only be portrayed by displaying how well you understand the background of your chosen degree and the reasons why you feel that CMU is the proper place for you to achieve your dreams and ambitions. I suggest that you work on lessening the brochure sound of the essay in order to make the essay sound more like it is written in your voice before you submit it :-)