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Surviving limited resources in Madiun

melramadhani 16 / 46 6  
Nov 29, 2014   #1
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

Madiun, my city, has very limited resources : no good university, no accessible public library; it doesn't even have public transport. My school is either : no proper laboratories, no budget for conducting events, and almost no sport facility.

Independence is the common trait that most students in my school have developed in order to survive under the limited resources that we have. For us, lack of resources doesn't mean lack of achievement. No laboratories and expert trainer does not mean that we cannot win science olympiads. No sport facility doesn't mean that we cannot be good athletes. No coach doesn't mean that my debate team cannot win.

However, there are certain things that we still cannot achieve, such as international science olympiad medals. What chance do we have compared to those who have resources? I can go to National Science Olympiad in Informatics with only 4 months of programming experience, but to win and go to IOI, what chance do I have compared to those who had learned robotics since kindergarten?

The failures that I have endured due to the limited resource has given me my utmost objective : my community should have better resources than I, so they can reach their maximum potentials. My sisters, future children, and neighbors should have the chance to win IOI and the likes. As for me, my chances for international medals are already gone, but excellence is still up there to reach.

(word count : 240)

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 29, 2014   #2
This is an excellent essay Melati. You clearly describe the world you come from and the trials and tribulations that you had to overcome in order to continue furthering your education. I would advice you to modify your latter paragraph though. The one that is closer to the ending of your essay because you could have presented a better discussion in that part. Explain how these obstacles inspired to you reach for better dreams for yourself. Do not involve your siblings in this discussion. Just stick to talking about yourself and your dreams and aspirations. You sound defeatist at the end of your essay. Don't end the essay on such a negative note. Always be positive. Remember, you need to inspire confidence in the reader, not weakness. The current ending is definitely a point against your application.

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