The Prompt is: Describe the environment you come from and how it shaped you.
I'm having a little bit of trouble with the ending, maybe adding a sentence or two. I'm currently at 215/250 words so there's room to add stuff. Any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
When I drive to school each morning, I pass the beach and admire the calm ebb and flow of the waves, motions strikingly similar to the pace of life in Swampscott: slow and relaxed. I often refer to Swampscott, Massachusetts as "that town about twenty minutes north of Boston", for it is rare that you find a stranger who actually knows where I am talking about. Swampscott is a beautiful coastal suburb, a hidden gem tucked away from the busy city life that exists only a short distance away. I love the comfort I feel when enveloped by the cool sea breeze or the satisfaction of diving off of the Swampscott pier on a stifling summer day, and I realize how truly fortunate I am to be part of such a wonderful community. As a member of our local Church, I volunteer regularly at My Brother's Table, a soup kitchen located in the neighboring city of Lynn. Volunteering alongside fellow Swampscott residents, I realize that I am part of a community that cares, a close-knit group of people that is interested in the wellbeing of residents and neighbors alike. It is this compassion, the idea of community and its worth, that I hope to carry with me when I leave Swampscott. No matter what lies beyond the "Welcome to Swampscott" sign, I know I will have the support of my community behind me.
Hello, Colin
Good afternoon, you did well on describing the town and how you feel about it, but you are missing an important part. You need to write more about how the town has shaped you as a person, for example, events that happened there that made you change who you are and without it, you wouldn't be who you are now, and things like that.
Hope this helps,
Angela629
It's better, may I suggest you write one more sentence after "I suppose I too..." about what Swampscott interest you other than the slow and relax lifestyle.
Also, I think it's:
for it's rare that you find a stranger who actually knows which I am talking about.
I mean you are referring to the town, not the place, right?
Nice job!! I got lost in swampscott once, after taking a train from Salem. I bought some wasabi peas at Trader Joes...
The North Shore area is really probably the greatest part of the country.
Put the comma INSIDE the quotation marks:
as "that town about twenty minutes north of Boston," for it is...
You might want to add a sentence that tells a personality attribute that you got from experience in town... for example, I spent time in Billings, Montana, and the people I met were writers, which inspired me to be an freelance writer by being such good examples of motivated, focused, freelancers. Maybe you met some people in Swampscott that inspired your choice of college/career.
Yeah, the North Shore area is kind of confusing, but I will agree with you that it is very nice! I'm assuming you liked the second essay I posted (The one right above your comment) or did you like my original? Your suggestion helped me think of a good conclusion sentence as to why I chose UVA. Thanks!
